Things that make me miss you:

1. Michael Jackson songs
2. Snow
3. Blankets
4. Water
5. Pizza
6. Telephones
7. Cows
8. Mostly any music, really
9. Airplanes
10. Eating dinner
11. Hands
12. Notebook paper
13. Singing in Church
14. Christmas songs
15. Fingernails
16. Mtn Dew
17. Monsters
18. Card games
19. Sticky fingers
20. Movies
21. Silver cars
22. Duct tape
23. Phantom of the Opera & Les Miserables
24. Thanksgiving
25. Sand
26. Watermelons
27. Wishes
28. Fishes
29. Basketball
30. espn.go.com
31. Chili
32. Hot cocoa & tomato soup
33. Farms
34. Games
35. Cousins
36. Nieces & nephews
37. Laughing
38. Mountains
39. Everything
40. Ice skating
41. Ice cream out of the carton
42. Chocolate covered almonds
43. Kisses
44. Hearts & love

And so many more... love you Fred!

Updated Inconvenience

At 22 accumulated inches, Chantilly, Virginia is buried in more snow than it really ever sees. And I am in Provo, instead of flying home.

I am mildly put out, to say the least.

Inconvenient

So, I live in this town where it snows all the time. All winter long, we've got snow and snow and more snow. Sometimes, to shake things up, it's just really, really, freezing cold for a few days, but then it never fails to snow again.

I am always so excited to go home for Christmas and escape the Utah winter. It's usually a little tricky to get out, with the icky weather in Salt Lake, and then sometimes on my connections. This time I'm flying through Denver: SLC and DEN- yikes, that's double-risky!

Anyway, I was all up to date on the weather reports: Salt Lake, clear skies all weekend. Denver, mostly sunny through Tuesday. So, we're good, right? Clear, going to get home no problem. Perfect!

But, no... that would be too, too, convenient. Instead a massive storm has decided to hit the east coast tonight.

They closed schools and cancelled church a few weeks ago for 4 inches of snow.

Translation: No one back home knows what to do with snow at all. Everyone is entirely incompetent, and cannot manage to get snow off of the ground. We're just not used to it.

The all-time high for a December snow event in DC is currently set at 12 inches. Quote:

"Total storm snowfall totals of 1 to 2 feet are forecast to occur in the Baltimore-Washington Metropolitan areas by dawn Sunday... Which should eclipse the December records for both cities. The record December snowfall for Washington is 12.0 inches on 18-19 December 1932"

So, basically this is outside the norm, to say the least.

And highly inconvenient.

I just want to go home!

Dumb snow.

To Do List

• Finals: Statistics, Pest Management, Turf Science, Religion, Business Strategy
• Project: Grounds Practicum journal
• Sleeping
• Shoveling snow if it comes (probable on Wednesday morning)
• Survive this week
• GO HOME! Celebrate Christmas, eat food, love my family, etc.
• Come back to Utah with my sister! Yay!
• Finish up college- one full semester left!
• Be a grown up?

Stress Cooking

So, we've all heard of stress eating. And likely many of us have done it. I personally am guilty of overindulging in a pint of ice cream or throwing back a whole can of Pringles under tense, overworked conditions. Something about stress just makes crappy, sugary and salty, dripping with too much bad for you stuff food so much more appealing. As if it needed any help.

But this is not the point or topic of this post. As mentioned in the title, we are here today to discuss stress cooking.

Now, typically when I get stressed I have a game plan. It goes something like this:

1. Get my planner and a pencil out
2. Write a list- everything that needs to get done, and when the deadlines are
3. Budget my time. Give every task an allotted number of hours to get through them in
4. Schedule it out. Task out every hour. Study for 319, write paper for 198, eat dinner, take a nap, do 221 work again, breathe. Sometimes I forget to schedule in time for breathing
5. Do it

Anyway, as you can see, when I get down to it, I mean business. Right now I scheduled a half hour to check emails, facebook and blog. So, I'm right on schedule.

I used to fail to schedule time for the stress-relievers, though, you see. I still feel guilty writing "watch half an hour of mindless TV" in my planner, or even "call home" because these things are not going to get my immediate goals done. They will, however, keep me sane. But when I get so swamped that I can't even find the time to write these things in, there is one pleasure that I can always justify the time for: food.

You see, if I stopped eating, I would pass out. Can't study passed out in the hospital from starvation, now can you? And, I can stretch this argument even further. If I stopped taking the time to make food, I would have to live this week on Goldfish crackers, trail mix, and (if I really felt like committing some time to it) toast with peanut butter. And that would impair my test taking skills. I would hate to score below my targets on account of undernourishment and fruit snacks.

So, you see, it is utterly imperative that I continue to eat well, even under the greatest burdens school can heap upon my frail shoulders.* I take this excuse to the extreme, and tend to indulge quite heavily in Stress Cooking.

Unlike stress eating, stress cooking really is fairly healthy, at least as far as what I am actually putting into my mouth is concerned. Whether it is a healthy habit or not remains to be determined by a professional of psychiatry or some other such qualified individual. Instead of eating chips and candy all day, I go crazy trying new recipes and recreating old favorites, with varying levels of success. Because I have budgeted time to dinner, I go for it. When I'm stressed I actually go through the effort to thaw some of the meat that I have in my freezer for once, for example. Usually there's no time to thaw so I just go without protein, but when I'm stressed, I make time for the microwave! I will find the time to defrost chicken, stir fry it with broccoli and carrots, serve it over fluffy delicious rice. Or to bake up some enchiladas or a pan of lasagna (as if I could ever actually finish a whole pan of that stuff before it goes bad!) or some other fabulous culinary miracle. Tonight, I might go a little more low key, and make up a tillapia fillet- they thaw and cook much faster, and I don't have to cut them up at all.

Anyway, just writing about it has me going too far. I have come up with at least sixteen more ideas for dinner tonight since I started this blog post. Yikes, I'm a mess! Gotta go- the kitchen is calling!

*Note the sarcasm. I don't really feel this weighted down with school, I just sometimes get awfully melodramatic over my life. This here is called laughing at myself.

Babies

So, today I went to church with some great family friends whose baby was being blessed. It was a sweet, lovely experience, and Sarah Elizabeth is precious.

Yesterday, Keith and I went over to play The Farming Game (awesome, by the way) with his cousins Hal and Jenny, and I got to play with their 5 month old boy.

And I'll be honest: I know that I am not ready at this moment to be in charge of someone else's life, especially not someone small and wholly dependent on me. But at the same time, I am so very ready for a beautiful little family of my own.

Anyway, I'm feeling mildly baby hungry tonight. But that's a ways off still. I've got some other steps to complete before I get there! But I'm excited for eventually.

Dysfunctional

I am a mess.

My room is a mess.

My brain is a mess.

My schedule is a mess.

My classwork is a mess.

I am 100% disorganized, distracted, and dysfunctional.

6

I have six:

• of the best siblings in the world
• finished semesters of BYU (almost to lucky number 7!)
• pretty vases lined up on my mantle piece
• final exams in the testing center this semester
• half-weeks until I go home for Christmas (I know this one is a stretch, but 6 1/2 weeks= 3 whole weeks. The math checks out, I promise)
• cans of tomato sauce in my cupboard- I always forget that I already have some of that stuff.
• days until fast and testimony Sunday
• favorite colors (or more...)
• DVDs (yeah, not a lot, I know)
• finished, 100% checked off diseases for my Plant Pathology class
• dirty plates stacked on my counter (messy kitchen roommates, you see)

But there is a particular reason I am celebrating the number 6 today. Today marks 6 fabulous months with Keith. Yay for love!

Thankfully...

So, Thanksgiving just happened. What a great day! You get to get together with people you love, and be really cozy and eat and eat and eat, and then digest while watching football and movies, and then you get to eat some more! What a fabulous day!

This Thanksgiving, I was in Cokeville, Wyoming. You're probably asking "What is in Cokeville?" Well, I will tell you:

Not very much.

Also, a couple of Keith's aunts and cousins and visiting grandparents. So, that is where we gathered for the holiday.

It was delicious.

Also, Thanksgiving-eve was delicious. Keith and I made our own turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and gravy, and (as my sister Em would say) "Oooh-la-yum!" it was good. I am glad to report that I will not be nervous about cooking a turkey ever again. Unless I don't have all the proper tools, i.e. an oven, roasting pan, and a Reynolds oven bag.

Side note- there is a whole webpage dedicated to Reynolds Oven Bags? Weird.

Anyway... we did a great job. Keith was so proud of our turkey.

(Also thankfully, we didn't let the University of Utah beat us at football. Almost, but not quite. Last home game of my college career, and our rivalry game, so this one was a huge deal. But the cougars pulled it off in the end!)

Stadium Cleanups

So, my LM Club at school cleans the west stands of our stadium after football games as a fundraiser. I just got back from one of these cleanups about an hour ago, and am starting to assess my current condition.

I have 3 massive bruises from bumping into things and slipping on the slick, wet bleachers.

My legs are still itchy from trying to adjust back up to a normal temperature.

My clothes are filthy.

I'm pretty dried out and dehydrated. Typical.

Luckily, I have showered and hopped into my warm bed full of blankets, and plopped my computer down on top of my lap, where it is radiating heat from its bottom. We made pretty good time tonight, considering that there weren't many people who stayed. Also, I got to be bossy. I bossed plenty of people around. Including some yelling... yikes! I was getting a bit testy... and lost patience with a few of my more stubborn colleagues. Anyway, all in all it was a good stadium cleanup. If anyone is going to be around on Nov. 28 and wants a chance to play football on the LaVell Edwards Stadium field, you're welcome to come. Just after the BYU game finishes, we'll start sweeping. When we get the stands clean, the field is all ours! It'll be good...

Worried Sick

Now, those who know me can attest to the fact that I am a champion worrier when it comes to those I love. I get stressed about my school, work, etc., but if anything is going wrong in the life of those people who I love, it becomes a much bigger deal. So it is surprising for me to say that I have never really felt "sick" with worry before.

It's not a nice feeling.

You know how when you have the stomach flu, you can feel the pain swirling dully in your gut, and pounding relentlessly at your temples? And fever burns behind your eyelids, and you know that somewhere in your body you're hot but feel just icy? And then it's not even like you're really there, because you float in and out of consciousness so fluidly that you can't even tell if you still have a body? And you're in so much pain that everything is irritating and annoying and wrong?

The phrase "worried sick" is an allusion to stomach flu.

You can feel the anxious tension all through your core, and nasty, nagging thoughts of horrid conclusions bombard your mind constantly. Your eyelids burn with pricking tears that you have to try to suppress, and there's part of you that's boiling mad, but you just feel cold and desperate. And your mind just wanders, disconnected from everything that is real and solid in front of you. And you just have to try not to talk, because you know you'll snap at everyone for any tiny little thing, and any phone noises or people near your door make you that much more tense and nervous all over again.

Today, Keith was supposed to come down to Provo from Logan. The plan was for him to get here around 2. By about 3, he still hadn't shown up, and I just assumed that he'd been delayed an hour. My roommate Steph distracted me at about 4 with a major house cleaning project- our apartment gets pretty messy, so I was able to channel my worry into productive cleaning and less-productive complaining about how fast our kitchen gets filthy for a while. When it got to be about 5 and I still hadn't heard from him and he wasn't answering the calls that I made every 5 minutes or so, I started to really worry. KSL.com said that there had been a crazy accident around 1 in the afternoon involving 8 cars and a reckless driver. That offered a possible solution. Not a very positive one, though. Keith's Jetta wouldn't hold up to very much if he was hit just right. I called his roommate, the only contact number I had. He didn't answer, but sent me a text message a few hours later to say that he was in New York. We had some lovely adventures in miscommunication for the next hour or so while I tried to get Keith's brother/roommate Calvin's number, who also didn't answer my calls or text messages. By10:00 when Keith finally called me, you can imagine the state I was in. If your imagination really isn't that great, go have a stomach flu or food poisoning. Then you'll catch the metaphor.

Anyway, all is well. Some jumble over an 18-month-old vehicle registration issue that the legal system can't seem to record the resolution of... anyway, Keith spent his evening worrying from jail in Ogden about me worrying my head off here. Not a very great day. But all's well that ends well, eh? That's the phrase, anyway, and he's not in a hospital somewhere, or a morgue. I get really morbid when I worry. I should work on that.

Plus, for an extra bonus, now I know just how literally physical the feeling of being "worried sick" really is.

Our Pumpkin

So, in keeping with my photography goal of at least once a month, I took pictures of the pumpkin Steph and I carved!

Here's how the conversation went:

What should we carve?

How about a spooky tree? And then we can do leaves around the pumpkin!

We would make a tree on our pumpkin.

Anyway. This is it!

Missing the Moose

So, I watched the movie "The Proposal" last night. It was cute, but more importantly, it was set in the great state of Alaska.

Now, at this point in my life I am used to missing my gorgeous Virginia home.

Blue Ridge Mountain Autumn

In fact, GOAL: I want to be home for an East Coast autumn again sometime in the next 5 years. Fall in Utah just doesn't have quite the same impact- less trees, and most of them go yellow, instead of having the whole spectrum from red to gold blazing down the streets. Being home for the heart of springtime would be nice, too, but I've caught the tail end of the last few springs. I'll just have to go home to celebrate... Columbus Day, or something. I don't know.

But that's turned into quite a tangent.

Anyway, I never realized before that you can be homesick for more places than just one. And I am homesick for Anchorage. I love that teeny tiny little city, you know? Not in a "let's make this permanent" sort of way, but a part of me wants to go home to Alaska.

Of course, this is not realistic. I've got responsibilities here right now, for one thing, and for another, it's winter there. Meaning it's darker and colder there than it is here, by a lot. Yesterday, the high was 25 degrees. Yikes! I don't really want to go to that Alaska. Just my gorgeous summertime Alaska, thank you.

I would love to go home to Virginia today, too. If it weren't for the fact that I don't have the time or money for that, either, and the other fact that I hate airplanes and airports and more or less all facets of travel, I would be there right now!

Photo courtesy of D L Ennis. There are lots of even more amazing shots at his webpage, Visual Thoughts. Thank you for allowing me to share your beautiful work!

Piano

Tonight I went to piano tutoring, but only one of my girls showed up. She's in 2nd grade, and one of the sweetest girls ever. Also, so eager and quick to learn anything I can teach her. But since my other student didn't come, we had the whole hour to fill- I wasn't quite prepared for that!

Anyway, I just love piano teaching. I love watching my students as they grasp a new concept, and love feeling through them how exciting it is. Today we played our first-ever chords, instead of just single notes, and learned about sharps. When playing chords got frustrating (it's hard at first to press down with your thumb, middle finger, and pinky but not the other two) we practiced playing with mitten hands (basically slamming incoherently on the keys) versus with glove hands (individual fingers) and she just giggled and giggled at that! Basically, we filled our extra time with exploring the piano, the staff and all the notes. And it was fun!

I love little Camille. She's such a sweet heart, and I am so glad that I was called to this service.

My Face...

... is currently covered in pimples. I hate them. Mostly they're just teeny tiny little blackheads all over the place, but they're annoying! Plus there are two or three really conspicuous huge monster ones up there, too. It's making me mad.

Diseased

This week I was supposed to be ridiculously busy taking midterms and keeping up with the rest of my school and work and other obligations. Instead, I have spent the majority of my hours between two different locations: my bed, and (when feeling especially spry) our couch.

I hate having the flu, and it really couldn't have had worse timing.

And now my head is all foggy, and I can't hardly think or focus to even try to study for my midterms. I have 5 of them to take. By now, I was supposed to have taken 3 of them. Instead, I have taken 0. Yuck for tomorrow, huh?

Luckily, most of my professors are going to do what they can to help me take them when I'm feeling better.

Driving

Today I did driving. In a car with manual transmission. Woah!

This is a big deal for me, people. I am not exactly known for my driving finesse, and have historically been entirely incapable of driving stick. Just ask my daddy. It's deplorable.

Well, Keith needed to get to the airport today, and since he wasn't able to come down this past weekend because of work and also won't be able to come next weekend because he'll still be out of town, he came last night for a really quick visit, and I drove him to the airport this afternoon. So last night when he got here we went out for a really quick driving practice, and I just got it! I don't know how, but I finally really did feel comfortable driving that car. Wow, wow, wow.

I'm thinking maybe Keith's Jetta has a kinder transmission than my Dad's car. Or maybe it was a miracle. Or maybe all of the practice at separate times in my life has finally added up to make me capable of driving. Who knows? Either way, I drove all the way to Salt Lake and back today, and it was great!

We're Not Friends

I've realized something today, for probably the billionth time in my life, and I am more than certain that it won't be the last time I have to learn this same lesson over again. Anyway, I have once again realized that Satan is not my friend. He's just not.

Friends build you up and make you feel really great about yourself. They are there when you need them to be, to listen or offer good advice.

Satan and I, we're not friends. Sometimes he tries to convince me that we are. He whispers "hey, want to do something fun?" in my ear, and sometimes fun sounds like way more fun than schoolwork. Sometimes he'll come up and make a funny little joke in my head that makes me giggle a little at the expense of someone else. And then, sometimes before I even know it, he's the one chatting in my ear all day long. Only problem is that it's not very nice chatter.

See, Satan is not my friend. It is not his goal to build me up or make me feel good. He likes to whisper little nasties about me and the people around me. "You're not good enough at any of this... Just give it up- you'll never be anyone anyway... At least you're not as lame as her... There's no way you have the time to do everything for you AND for other people... Those scriptures, they're boring. Just lots of people killing each other, and you already know the stories... Prayer? Ha! You think the Great, Almighty, Infinite God has time to listen to you whine about your day? He's got more to worry about than how you miss your boyfriend and family and don't think you have time to get your stuff done..." and more. There's always something nasty that Satan could whisper into my ear, and he really does try his best to convince me to listen.

This week, I was listening a bit too hard.

Luckily for me, I know some things that Satan doesn't want me to know. Also, he doesn't want me to post them on the internet, I'd bet.

In Moses 1:6, God tells Moses "I have a work for thee, Moses, my son; and thou art in the similitude of mine Only Begotten..." Then Satan comes to Moses, and commands Moses to worship him. "And it came to pass that Moses looked upon Satan and said: Who are thou? For behold, I am a son of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten; and where is thy glory, that I should worship thee?" (Moses 1:13).

I know that I, too, am a child of God. I am His spiritual daughter, and He cares for me. I know that His Son, Jesus Christ came to Earth to atone for my sins and struggles "...for he is full of grace and truth..." (Moses 1:6). And when I remember this knowledge, it is much more difficult for Satan to get inside my head and heart, because I can say "Who are thou? For behold, I, Caresse, am a daughter of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten; and where is thy glory, that I should worship thee?"

Satan and I, we're not friends. But Jesus Christ? He is my Friend. He is my Savior, Redeemer and King. He lives and loves me and is guiding my life. I know these things to be true, even though I forget them far more often than I should. They are true forever! What a blessing to know these things!

Homeworking

I am absolutely buried in homework this semester- but I feel like I've gotten a lot of it under control today. Wrote most of a paper and did my statistics work for all of next week, so now I just need to get ready for my test that's the week after next. I have 4 tests that week. Yuck, huh? Anyway, there's lots of homework to be working on. Keeping busy.

Rough Day

Today is being a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I am stressed. I have far too many things to do this semester, and not enough time to do them in.

Usually, I get stressed when I look too small-picture at things. Like focusing on just a week instead of thinking that I have a whole semester to get school done in. This time I'm looking bigger-picture, full semester, and guess what!?!?! I'm still highly stressed out. I guess I need to look even bigger picture, where school is a tiny blip in my eternal existence... that'd be helpful.

I think I'll go to Australia.

Or maybe I'll go make a sandwich.

Apple Juice

I hate apple juice.

It's disgusting.


This morning I visited a doctor, who told me I needed to be drinking juice. Apple or cranberry. The rest of that lovely doctor visit and attached circumstances are another day's post. And so, on my way home from doctor's I walked right past the grocery store, so I stopped in to buy juice. Except it was just the tiny little Creamery on Ninth. So they had a whole huge row of soda pops and just a tiny section of juice. Only apple. No other options. Actually, they had V8 also. Gross.

And so I walked home, apple juice in tow. I've had 3 whole glasses of apple juice since then. THREE! That's a lot, people!

I truly struggled through my last glass, though. I filled a small glass with juice, and a large glass with water, and told myself that I could not have any water until I drank all of the apple juice. It was so hard! I wanted so badly to get to that cool, crisp, delicious, smooth glass of water. But I had to wade my way through the muggy, sticky, thick sweetness of apple juice first. Yuck.

My roommate doesn't drink enough water. She actually buys apple juice to drink so that she'll stay hydrated enough, because when water is the only option, she'll choose not to drink anything. I simply can not fathom how anyone could ever so seriously prefer apple juice over water. It's like preferring Little Caesar's to Brick Oven (which I ate tonight- yum!). Preferring something all mucked up with filth and extra stickiness- I just don't get it. Of course, she sees it the opposite way- how would anyone prefer water? It's like preferring a Hershey's chocolate bar to triple chocolate cheesecake. Except she won't even get that analogy- she dislikes chocolate even more than she dislikes water. Anyway, it was a funny contrast to discuss this evening.

My Boys

Two of my most favorite boys are coming to see me soon! I'm so excited!

Tonight my brother Tanner flies in to see me. He's one of my best ever friends. I can't wait to see that boy!

Tomorrow night Keith will be here! Haven't seen him in almost two weeks, and he's coming, and I get to see him all weekend, starting Thursday!

And the best thing is they're going to be here together! And so Keith will finally get to meet some more of my family. Which is fun.

And, I will be getting lots of really good hugs!

I Did It!

I've accomplished my photo-taking goal for September!

I actually sort of photographed two events... if you count 2 photos with Steph at the CSU football game last night as adequate documentation of an event. But mostly I just captured our room remodel.

It looks great in there, people!

And, since a picture is worth a thousand words, and I actually took some pictures, I'll just post a few...

Measuring

Taping

Painting

Conundrum

FACT: I do not want a Master's degree

FACT: I do not want to start grown-up life

PROBLEM: If I do not go to grad school, and do not get a grown-up job, I will be a floundering, useless individual without a place in society or an excuse for my existence.

So I suppose I'll have to figure that out in the next little while here, huh?

Because I will graduate in April from one of the top Landscape programs in the nation, hopefully as a Certified Landscape Professional, and have to figure out then what's next. Talk about daunting.

Impatient

I am very much having patience issues.

I just miss my sweetheart too too much, that's all.

So Friday, October 2nd, is being very slow in coming.

Also, we have horribly opposite schedules that make quality phone conversations difficult. We talk several times a day, but usually just stealing a few minutes here and a few minutes there. I haven't talked to him for more than 15 minutes straight in quite a while.

I just want to be graduated so that I can follow him around wherever he is, whether it's Anchorage or Logan or Hong Kong or Baghdad... I don't really think I'll be needing to go to either of those last two places, though. But the point is that if I had already graduated and if he happened to be going to Madagascar or Indonesia or anywhere else, I could go, too.

Is that what it means to be in love? To just want to follow someone around for the rest of eternity, so that you can be with them, and help them, and love them forever and ever? Because if that's what it means to be in love, then I am in love.

But I'd really rather not travel to Baghdad. Lucky for me, Keith isn't a huge traveler, either!

Photography

I am very bad at documenting my life. Case in point: I spent 4 months in Alaska, on the biggest adventure of my lifetime to this period in time. And I pulled out my camera maybe 3 times. Also, I'm not sure if I took a single photograph of my entire Junior year of college. Also, Keith and I have been dating for about 4 months, and I still have only one photo of us together. 1. Not a very big number. Yikes, no wonder my family gets frustrated at me for not sharing my life with them! I'm going to be old one day, and won't even be able to look back through photos to jog my senile memory or remind myself of my college years.

So I am setting a goal.

GOAL: Be a photo-taker. Drag my camera out of my bag at least once every month for some event or another, and take pictures. Photograph the things I am doing, the people I am doing them with. Pass my camera around and have other people take pictures; after all, it never hurts to see life from someone else's perspective. And if no one else ever takes pictures, I won't ever be in them.

That's another issue I have. I'm really good at photographing nature. It's gorgeous, and I love it, so I take pictures of it. But I'm not so great at photographing people, and I'm really bad at getting myself in my pictures. Really, really bad at it, people.

Anyway. Goals are good. Hopefully I'll stick to this one. I think I'll start this weekend. My roommates and I are going to be redecorating our apartment a bit, hoping to make it more homey and less dumpy. Right now, it's kind of a sporadic mess of all sorts of hodgepodge pieces, and since we don't like the way it looks, we tend to dump things all over the place. So roommate paint and DI shopping, and painting and decorating pictures will be a good starting place.

Statistics

Definitely my least favorite class of the semester, STAT 221 is a three hour long block of monotone slide reading and corny jokes once every week. It's also ridiculously easy for me; math always has been, so these concepts are coming quickly to my mind, and it's a 200 level course, taken by a lot of freshmen. As a senior, I've already figured out how to do college, so I'm a bit ahead of that curve. No wonder I find it so difficult to convince myself that it is worth it to actually attend class...

You see, I can read the slides to myself much more quickly than my professor can read them to us all.

And patience while waiting for other people to catch up with the class has never been my strongest trait.

And Tuesdays are already horribly long- I'm at work or class from 8 am to 7 pm, and then have to go home to do more studying.

Plus, I learned what the mean and median are in 2nd grade. These are concepts that I've understood for about 2/3 of my lifetime.

So I struggle convincing myself that it's worth my time to go to class. There are open TA office hours and labs if I get into a sticky spot where I don't understand anything. And I know lots of smart people who have passed basic statistics classes who I could go to for help if I needed to.

That is all. Not a great attitude to have toward a class so early in the semester (by the way, can you believe that school has been back in session for almost a month? I can't.) But that's life. Sometimes I just have a pessimistic, impatient sort of attitude.

I-Tunes and Eye Tears...

I cry to music more often than not.

Ok, so that's a bit of an exaggeration. But I do cry to certain types of music more often than not. Like, the sad kind. Think Phantom of the Opera or Les Miserables here. Also, the Hymn kinds.

This week I've used up most of the last few dollars of Christmas I-Tunes money I had on my account to buy a few songs from Les Mis. I have read that book (yes, the super-long unabridged version), and have heard the songs, but it's not a score that I'm incredibly familiar with. I wanted to get to know the music a bit better so I bought some of it. And it makes me cry.

Also, how pathetic and horrible is the story of the Phantom? He's creepy, and terribly depressing.

But most of the music I cry to causes tears of pure joy. Hymns especially get me going. The bliss of knowing that I have a Savior, that He understands my struggles and fears. The gratitude at this knowledge. Just gets me teary-eyed. I guess I tend to put a lot of classical music into this group, too. How can you not get teary at the Moonlight Sonata? The struggle and triumph that I feel in the melancholy of that melody is just too much for my weak tear ducts. Perhaps it's that I know that, were I the one playing these pieces, I would be playing with my whole heart, offering up thanks to my God for the gift of music in my life.

It's got to be an interesting experience for my neighbors, though, who often observe me walking home, earbuds in, with tears streaming down my smiling face.

Thank You, Alexander Graham Bell

Today's post is on the topic of the telephone. A marvel of the 19th century, the telephone was first patented on 14 February 1876 by Alexander Graham Bell. Bell was one of many inventors of his time who worked on the idea of being able to transmit sound waves across great distances, and in fact there are claims that Elisha Grey reached the patent office earlier to submit his idea for using water as the transmitting medium for a telephone. However, we quite clearly use wires and electricity to transmit our voices across the world today (imagine a cell phone full of water- convenient for when you leave it in your pocket and run it through the wash, I guess) as Bell's idea quickly became the accepted model for telephone communication everywhere.


Imagine using one of these first telephones. The building suspense as you wait for your call to be answered, the thrill when someone on the other end of the line picks up and- to the wonder and amazement of all those who have gathered to see this modern marvel at work- you are connected, talking to someone far away, saying words to them, and then hearing their response with only seconds of delay! What a world, folks!

Over the past 133 years, telephones have changed quite a bit from Bell's original design. We no longer rely on wires and switchboard operators, but instead bounce our voices off of satellites and back down to earth with reckless abandon, hastily making calls and sending messages and hardly ever thinking about what an amazing tool we have at our fingertips. And yet sometimes I think I catch a glimpse of some of the anxiousness and anticipation of a 1800's phone call.

I'm living in a lot of long-distance relationships currently. Thank gracious sakes for the telephone! I spend hours a week talking to my family back home, telling them I love them and catching up with their lives. Another great thing about the phone is that I can pick it up at any time and call Keith and just remind him that I love him, or whatever such nonsense I feel compelled to share. And so I call, and I wait with bated breath as it rings once... and in the pause that follows my heart stops, hoping beyond all hope that Keith will pick up. It rings again, and once more my world stops. No, a second pause passes, a third ring comes through... and I become tense and anxious again, wondering at each pause if this will be the time he picks up, and becoming more and more despondent as each ring goes by with no answer.

"Hey, this is Keith. Um... leave a message if you want." The disappointment of reaching voice mail is momentarily crushing. And then I pick myself up while the automated lady voice tells me how to leave a message, to blurt out a quick, quirky message to Keith usually along the lines of "Hey, baby! I love you lots, and just miss you like crazy... um... call me!" or "Fred! You are being naughty and not answering the phone." And then I return to my life, content in the knowledge that within the next few hours he'll call me back.

But joy of all joys- sometimes after one or two or three rings, waiting with my heart all knotted up and anxious, he'll pick up with a "hey, cutie face!" And conversation begins, and I am reminded of just how dizzy I get with love for this boy. Just talking on the phone with him makes my day all sunshiney and brilliant. Honestly, just thinking about him puts me into a ridiculously good mood most of the time. It helps that I'm in a good mood most of the time anyways, but Keith just heightens and strengthens that emotion, bringing me to a new level of bliss.

And so I take the opportunity today to say "Thank you, Alexander Graham Bell. Thank you for making my life just a bit more blissful."

Preying Mantis

For my "Integrated Management of Plant Pests" class this semester, I have to have a bug collection.

This means literal insects, dead and dried out and pinned in neat rows and categories on a sheet of styrofoam.

And how am I to get these insects all nice and neat on my board? Well, I am supposed to catch them and dunk them in alcohol, of course! How else? Now, bug catching is a fairly simple affair. It involves running around like a crazy person after insects, swinging a net, and then looking in, hoping beyond all hope that you've got something worth pinning. Then you fish 'em out and dump 'em in your killing jar (technical term, you know. I'm a real scientist.) After being plunged into a pool of 90% pure alcohol, none of them last long. And that's when the real fun begins. Carefully holding your dead bug up by his fairly delicate body, you find the thorax. That's the middle section: head-thorax-abdomen, you see. Just slightly right off of center, you hold your pin perpendicular to the pathetic little thing. And then you apply just the gentlest of pressure... and nothing happens. So, take a deep breath, and try again. A little more pressure this time... possibly some turning of the pin to get a drill-sort of action out of it... just a bit harder... and you're in! You've stuck your first bug! Slide him halfway up the pin, stick it into some spare foam and repeat the process, lining up your kill as though they're puzzle pieces trying to be pieced together. Once your scrap of foam is full, or you're out of bugs, it's time for more alcohol. Just float those little beauties upside down in more of the strong stuff for about two weeks and they'll be as dead as dead can be! You breathe a sigh of relief...ahh! And then you remember. The grasshoppers. And the moths. These lovely gems in your collection aren't as easy as the beetle and assassin bug were. These need to be spread wing for your collection. Go to the butterflies and moths first- they're easy. Just pin their furry little bodies (it's amazing how many insects are furry) into the center of a spreading board, pull their wings down flat and pin a scrap of paper down over them. Done. Easy. The grasshoppers, not so easy. Them, you have to convince to be spread. Once they're pinned in between the boards, you ever so gently peel back their forewing... and then, even more gently the back wing... and then you very, very carefully pull the back wing out, so it extends as fully as possible, mimicking flight. Get the wings to both, simultaneously, lie down on your board and pin a paper scrap very tightly over top of them, and hopefully by next week they'll have dried that way, so that at that point you can float them upside down in a jar of alcohol until they're dead and dry and staying that way. Eventually, everyone will be ready, perfectly preserved, and you can pin their carcassas in neat rows, with smart labels, down the length of your bug box. And there they will be asked a question: was your untimely demise worth it? Are you a high enough quality bug to get the grade? Because missing legs, feet, antennae, etc. are unacceptable. Order Thysonoptera: check. Order Hemiptera: check. Order Lepidoptera: check.

So far, I have bugs from 8 different orders. Some of them might not pass inspection, though. I think I'm all set on Coleoptera, the beetles, but every one of my Orthoptera bugs is missing something; one of my grasshoppers has 1 1/2 antenna, the other is without a foot. My gorgeous 3 1/2 inch long preying mantis has no left antenna. Oh, but he's a beautiful bug!

I caught him rather on accident. Just walking up the stairs to campus, minding my own business, when there he was, sitting regal and majestic on the branch of some juniper. As soon as I tried to catch him, he started scrambling, of course, but one can only be stately in some situations. Anyway, some boy walking down the stairs had a good laugh at me as I tried to simultaneously catch my mantis and explain to him why I was attempting to catch him in the first place. Well, we cornered him, scooped him up and dumped him into a tupperware container with an alcohol-soaked cotton ball in it polluting the air, where he struggled for life until, always royalty, he succumbed nobly, folding his legs neatly beneath him in a beautiful show of the appreciation of symmetry. He truly is a beautiful bug. I've studied him, you see. All of them, in fact. And the details are astounding. These insects are beautiful! Intricate and delicate and potentially very scary, were you smaller than them. We've got a lovely world here. Even in the frightful things, there is beauty.

Back to School

Today I fly back to Utah- I'm so excited! I love school, and being busy. It's been a good week at home, though. I've gotten to spend some great time with my family. I love these crazies!

Almost Time...

I can't believe my time in Anchorage is almost up. I have about 4 and a half days left until I leave Alaska. Who knows when I'll ever come back here? It hardly feels real. When I think about leaving, I get super nervous. This has been home for the past 4 months. I'm not ready to leave it behind.

Yet at the same time, I can't wait to go home. I miss my family, and am ready to go see them all. It's been way too long since I've seen them all. But going home will be bittersweet. I'm worried that I'll be thinking about getting back to school the whole time that I'm there. School will be hard this year. Partly the coursework will be hard, but mostly I am worried about my motivation and concentration.

Mostly, everything circles back to Keith. I don't want to leave Alaska because it's going to change things. I'm nervous about how we're going to do at keeping up our relationship at a distance. I mean, I don't think we're going to fail. But I worry about how hard it will be. I worry about missing him. I worry a lot of things. Things will be different.

In Review

I've been reading over the last year or so of blog posts this morning, trying to remember the emotions and events and attitudes that I have experienced since 2009 began, especially in regards to dating. And I've come across some fun realizations. And I'm not going to share them with you all, but I wanted to suggest reflection and re-reading. Journals, blogs, scrapbooks- they're all a big part of my life, and bring a whole lot of joy when I look them over. It's good to be reminded of how much you're growing and how good life has been, and will continue to be! And it can bring fresh perspective to the ever-present topic of life.

Today

Today was rough.

Work was awful, mainly because of that stupid Anton, who is a jerk and bossy and annoying and ungrateful and all sorts of other things. Also because we're being called lazy because it's the end of the summer and we're all tired of working hard at a thankless, useless job. So, essentially, I quit. A long time ago, I tentatively said today would be my last day at work, but lately I've been thinking I'd work through into next week, at least a few days. But today I just couldn't handle the thought of working more days at Evergreen, so I reverted to the old plan, and am officially done. Never going into that nursery to work again. I might try to find out if my boss Jared has any jobs outside of the nursery that need to be worked on this next week, but we'll see. Maybe.

Also, Keith's dumb friends have him stuck in Willow, AK until probably around 11:00 tonight. So I don't get to see him, which is making me just mad.

Also, my best friend just got married in Washington D.C. and I'm not there.

Also, PMS happens.

Happily Ever After

Tomorrow my best friend gets married. Weird. We've been talking about this day for years. And more specifically, since she got engaged a few months ago. And I am so excited for her! And so weirded out by it, too.

Growing up is a funny thing. I can't believe that we're this old. Being old enough to fall in love is crazy; looking back on all of the boys we have thought we loved is mildly ridiculous. Luckily, she's finally fallen in love with one who's worth her time. Jeff really is a good man, and he loves her.

As for me, I am still happy to be working toward my own happily-ever-after.

Cooking Again

Oh, what I wouldn't give for a good pair of kitchen tongs, and a handful of toothpicks! I'm so ready to get back to my Provo kitchen, where I actually have adequate tools.

Tonight, I tried to make chimichangas with shredded chicken and kidney beans in a corn tortilla. Well. They were delicious! Unfortunately, they were also nearly impossible to make. My fingers and a pair of forks were not sufficient tools, and so I made two very messy chimis.

But they were so good! All in all, a successful experiment.

Loves of My Life

Today I feel like listing some of the things that I love:

• raspberries
• thunderstorms
• ice water
• high heel shoes
• my family
• delphiniums
• blankets
• piano music
• hymns
• dancing
• kisses (the chocolate kind, of course...)
  
• Keith
• roommates
• bright toenail polish
• good salads
• old movie songs
• writing
• pencil skirts
• flip flops
• trees
• BYU
• college football season
• little baby people
• recipes that I don't have to follow
• sunny days
• having a clean house (wish I didn't have to clean it, though... I ought to get back to that.)

That's not all, but it's something.

Countdown

7 Days left at Evergreen
9 Days until my Becky gets married
19 Days left in Alaska
28 Days until Provo
32 Days until school starts
146 Days until my sissy comes home
148 Days until Christmas
155 Days until 2010
230 Days until I turn 22

Why are we always counting ahead?

Life is a really good thing. I think I need to take it one beautiful day at a time!

Lazy Days

At my job here, I have Sundays and Mondays off. So I am officially doing nothing!

Vegetables

Keith's mom sent me home with a whole lot of home-grown vegetables this weekend... Carrots, radishes, cucumber, summer squash, lettuce... so good! I love summer fruits and veggies.

Also, I have spent my last three evenings being a vegetable. It has been lovely. I'm just so tired the past few days!

I'm missing my family this week a lot. But a month from now I will be at home!

In other news, my friend had a baby girl today. She came 3 months early, and is only 1 pound, 10 ounces. So, that's making me worried. Any prayers for the Walstead family are appreciated.

Movie Night

So, last night Keith and I decided to bring a pizza home and watch a movie instead of going out to do something. I had him looking through the movies (I hate choosing) and he insisted that I needed to pick this time. Well, that wasn't going to happen, so instead he narrowed it down to three choices. "Hitch" or "The Phantom of the Opera" or "The Saint." All good movies, but could he have been any more broad in choosing? Those three have basically nothing in common. Anyway, I picked "Phantom" and am so glad I did!

Usually I annoy people when I watch musicals with them, because I tend to sing the whole thing. Like, all of it. Including the tiny half-songs that aren't big enough to make it on to the soundtrack. Watching this one with Keith was the most fun ever. We sang our way through the movie together! It was so funny- especially since I'm almost as capable of singing Raoul's parts as Keith is. Not as good at it, mind you, but capable. And I'm not really able to do some of Christine's. Too high! Anyway, it was the most fun thing ever!

Sweetpea

My boy is the best ever. Basically. This morning he picked me flowers and brought them to me before work. He couldn't sleep anymore, so he got up and gathered sweetpea flowers for me! Also, I love him.

Snuggling

Actually, the topic for this post is not congruous with its title. But my daddy keeps worrying that I'm cuddling too much, so I thought I'd throw this in as a title just for fun. Scare him a bit, you know?

Tonight I would really like to write about anticipation. I am thinking about a lot of things that I don't want to wait for. I am anticipating going to bed (should get on that, actually), anticipating the coming school year and (yikes!) graduation, and especially anticipating my trip home in August. I miss my family. Growing up is great, and I am enjoying the chance to learn and change and be responsible for my life. But it is hard to be a displaced person without a home to belong to. And it's hard to be gone from my parents and siblings all the time. I mean, I spend maybe a month, cumulative total, at home in a year. I don't like it. I'm ready to go home. And then I'll be ready to come back and play in Alaskan Summer for a little while more.

4th of July Weekend

This weekend I went camping with Keith and his family! We left work early on Friday, and drove out to Palmer. There we stopped in at the grocery store and Keith's house to pick up the last few things that we needed, and then we were off! Keith, his brother Calvin, and I drove together up to Lake Louise. We drove and drove and drove some more... and then we got to the lake! There Keith's dad and uncle met us in the boat and we zipped off to the island that their cabin lives on. Friday night we played some games and ate some food, and then off to sleep to get all rested up for our adventures on Saturday!

Saturday was Independence Day! And we made full use of that good day. We went to the beach! Also, we built a fire pit. But then the beach, and jet ski rides and tubing and food and sand sculpting and a beanbag game and sunshine (I'm at least 3 shades darker) and it was lovely. Went home to the cabin, more food and a little bit of gun shooting. Keith and I went out back and shot soda cans off of a sawhorse. But the sight was way off on the gun, so we didn't do that for long.

Sunday we had a little church, with some scripture thoughts and reading from the Ensign and singing. That was fun. Keith's niece and nephews who were up there helped pick the songs, so in between "The Iron Rod" and "I am a Child of God" we had a nice rendition of "the Wheels on the Bus." It was great. Ty and Dane and Andy all gave sweet little talks. I love those little guys. Then we mostly packed up the rest of the day, and drove back in to Palmer for a quick dinner, showers, and more sleep!

Today we originally thought we would still be up at the lake, so we were both off of work. So we just got to play all day long! So we went hiking with his sisters and their kids, which was way fun. I finally dug my camera out of my bag and took a few pictures:




So I finally have a picture with Keith, which is fun. I'm not very good at remembering my camera. Anyway, after our hike we went out for ice cream, helped out around the house, ate dinner, watched a documentary about those weird dungeons and dragons people, and then came back in to Anchorage.

Home sweet home, and it feels lovely. Can't wait to sleep in my cozy delicious bed, but I already miss Keith. Fall is going to be tricky.

Summertime and the World

I think there are two places that I live in. One is called the real world, and it is where I live and work at a nursery and go to school in Provo and have to be responsible and financially independent, etc. The other is called summertime. In this world, I don't really have to do anything other than be with Keith on Alaskan adventures. I love summertime. It's the best. I would just like to stay at summertime all of the time. Because it's way better than real life. In real life you have to worry about real things, such as should I take Field Botany this fall? Or Statistics? Both? Neither? When can I fit work into my fall schedule? How many hours should I be working? Where? Tree crew? Am I going to have enough money to survive next year? Why are Provo and Logan so far away from each other? How long is the bus ride? Should I think about getting a car? Is a car in the budget? What is my budget? Are my new roommates going to be psycho? Am I going to be psycho? Is there enough time to worry about all of these things? Are my tan lines too intense? What about Sunday dinner? Am I going crazy? Why is everyone I know getting married or pregnant? When am I going to find the time to do laundry? Should I buy new jeans yet? Where could I get a patch kit? Am I eating enough healthy stuff? Etc... It's nuts. Real life is simply not as much fun as summertime.

Monthiversary

Today was monthiversary day! Keith brought me chocolate, and took me out to dinner, told me that he loves me, and kissed me good night. It was wonderful.

Customer Appreciation Day

This week has been customer appreciation week at the nursery, all leading up to the big day today. Customer Appreciation Day! We had face painting and a dunk tank, hourly special sales, and a barbecue. And what a day it turned out to be! It was one of the warmest, sunniest days we've had since I got to Anchorage. And with the radio stations advertising and the customers we've been telling to come back all week, we were busy. Finally, really busy.

We got a lot of our people up on the dunk tank. Nikki and Erik were funny, but the best of all was Keith. Now, I might be biased, because I like him, but his reactions were so funny! He kind of has good reactions a lot of the time, though.

Erik's little boys were so cute, too.

Basically, today was a good day. I love my job. I love my life. I love the sunshine. Love, love, love...

35 Hours

11:00-12:45: Breakfast Party
1:00-3:00: Church and hand-holding
3:00-4:00: Drive to Palmer
4:00-8:15: Kenley family dinner & Father's Day celebration*
8:30- 10:30: Games with Hal & Jenny, and family**
10:45-1:00: Cuddling & chatting
1:00-6:15 doesn't really count, as we were in separate areas of Keith's parents' house asleep
6:40-7:50: Drive back in to Anchorage
8:15-10:45: Playing Dr. Mommy, and taking a nap***
11:00-1:30: More cuddling & chatting
1:40-2:30: Out to lunch
2:35-4:40: Watching August Rush
5:00-6:15: Hanging out with the roommates
6:30-7:15: Mini-golf, Katie A. style****
7:30-8:15: Making & eating dinner
8:15-10:00: Poker lessons

That was a basic rundown of my last 35 hours with Keith. They were lovely. I rather like that man.

*This included Keith's sister Amy pulling out some old home video to share with me. He was a pretty cute toddler. It was funny to see some of the personality traits I know and love about Keith as they were 20 years ago. He was just as stubborn and just as content with life back then as he is now!

**Hal is Keith's cousin, and Jenny is his wife. We went over and played the game Acquire with them and with their parents. Also, I got to see their cute baby, which was fun!

***Keith got sick at the end of our drive in to Anchorage. Originally the plan was for him to drop me off and pick up my roommates and then go to work all day, but after throwing up from dehydration about 3 minutes away from my house, he decided driving was not the safest thing, and since that's his job, he called in sick for the morning. Jared (our boss) told him to just take the whole day off, because they weren't planning on being very busy. So I took the girls in to work, and then came home and got Keith feeling all better! I love taking care of people. It makes me feel important. And loved.

****My friend Katie Hoyos, formerly Abernathy, hence the "A", shared a different version of mini-golf score keeping. Instead of counting strokes at each hole, each player makes a wager. Whoever puts their ball away in the least strikes wins their prize. So, for example, I lost hole 8 and have to wear Keith's Utah State, anti-BYU shirt to work one day. But he lost hole 12, so he has to make me dinner one of these days. Also, our after dinner poker lesson happened because I lost hole 14.

Weekend

Today I just feel like rambling... so here goes!

This morning we were called by our boss and told that we didn't need to come into work, because it was raining. So we all got a random Saturday off! In taking full advantage of the opportunity, Kalie, Cecilia, Em and I went to the Saturday Market in downtown Anchorage. It was an outdoor market, full of vendors selling Alaskan treasures- mostly touristy stuff; jewelry, furs, sweatshirts, trinkets, etc... I found souvenirs for some of my sisters and bought a beautiful belt. It's made out out of black elk leather, and has bears, moose and Alaska mountains embossed on it. We took fun pictures of us wearing goofy hats and posing with horses. It was way fun, especially since the "rainy day" turned out to be gorgeous.

Last night Keith and I went rock climbing. My arms are SO SORE! Plus I have a massive bruise on my arm. So, we left the nursery as soon as I got off of work, but still didn't get to the rock gym until about 20 minutes after the belay class started. So... that was going to be really sad. But then- TA-DA! The lady said Keith could teach me how to belay, and then an instructor could test us out, and make sure that we were safe and stuff. So Keith taught me rock climbing knots and safety rules and techniques, and then the instructor tested us out of it. Talk about an adventure- He told Keith to go most of the way up the rock wall while I belayed, and then to fall without giving me any notice of it. Well, Keith took it a step further, and fell while I was totally distracted talking to the instructor about technique. Took both instructor boy and I entirely by surprise, but I didn't let go of the rope. So, we passed. And then we climbed! I was not super good, but it was way fun! And I got to the top of one of the courses, right at the very end of the evening, and only had to cheat on one hold to do it! I couldn't quite get my foot up that extra 6 inches to the next pink one. Had to borrow the green one just below it. But other than that, I got to the top!

I officially love climbing rocks. It's way fun!

Update:

I love my life.

Love my job.

Love my roommates.

Love Alaska.

Really, really, really like my boy.

And that's basically it for now. Just wanted to let the world know what was new.

Roses

I spend the majority of my time surrounded by plants, researching plants, and helping plants grow. So you think I would get over the wonder of them, right? On the contrary, however, I find them more and more fascinating the further I come to know them. And with all of the wonder and amazement I find there, it should come as no surprise how unutterably enchanting it is when a boy brings me flowers.

Keith and I went to a dance on Saturday night this weekend. He came rather early, so I still had some getting ready to do while he was here. He sat on the couch chatting with my roommates as I apologized for taking so long to get ready, and kept reassuring me that I should take as long as I wanted to get ready- I was going to be the most beautiful girl at the dance regardless of how ready I got. When I finally was ready to go, I came down the stairs to find him holding a bouquet of roses. Half a dozen long stemmed roses, white petals tipped in brilliant pink. They were absolutely lovely, and they were for me.

I don't know if I even actually looked at my roses until later in the evening, after we got home from the dance. I was too thrilled by the sweetness of the gesture to do more than glance at those flowers. Too busy looking shyly at Keith, and thinking that I am lucky to be dating a good man. He pretends to be all tough and cool, but he's really very sweet. Flawed, yes, but so is everyone. And for now the only thing more beautiful to me than my roses is the opportunity to get to know him better. I'm enchanted.

Valley Boy

I was talking to my parents today, telling them about Keith and how we came to be dating, and they were asking those questions parents ask about new boys I start to date: who is he, what's he doing with his life, etc... So I've decided that I am going to write a small snapshot of Keith to let my family and friends know who it is I am spending my summer dating.

Keith grew up in "the valley," in Palmer, AK. It's a pretty small place, about an hour north of Anchorage. His family grows all sorts of stuff, and when he was growing up, Keith had sheep. He's got a lovely singing voice. He goes to Utah State University, where he just switched from the Economics program into Electrical Engineering. He's kind of obnoxious- always teasing and joking around. But that keeps me laughing. He's not incredibly tall- Only 5'10' or so- but that's okay. He's got dark brown hair, and blue-grey eyes. When we met, his hair was kind of long and shaggy, but he cut it before our second date because, as he put it, "I wasn't planning on dating this summer..." and then I guess I changed his plans. He changed mine, too, though, so we're even. The bumper on his car is attached with duct tape. He's pretty cuddly. Also, he likes me!

So that's about all there is to say for now. Actually, I could say a lot more, but I'm getting distracted. So. I'm done blogging for now.

Climbing Up Things

So, in my last post I wrote about Alaska Adventure Day with Keith, and how it all started when Plan A, called rock climbing, failed. Today, we made Plan A a reality.

I think I officially love rock climbing. We couldn't convince them to certify us for top roping, so we did bouldering instead. It was hard! After failing a few times, I had to clip off my fingernails so that I could actually grip the holds, which I hear was pretty cool of me. I need more upper body and arm strength. But Keith says that it would probably be gross if I was too fabulously strong. He's probably right- I like having soft, feminine arms. Regardless of my arm strength (or lack thereof) I really did have fun.

Rock climbing is tricky. You have to be able to balance and search for your next hold, and trust your grip to hold you. Also, you have to shift your weight and plan your moves as you're hanging off of a rock. And it's kind of a challenge. But really, really fun!

Alaska Adventure Day

So, I officially loved today.

Typically sales jobs require you to work on weekends and holidays, so I figured I would get to go in to work today, but then... SURPRISE! I remembered that Mondays are my day off at the nursery, so I got this holiday off! So my friend Keith and I went on an adventure.

The plan was simple- go to a rock climbing gym, climb up some stuff, come home and finish my day with some laundry and studying until the other girls got home from work. But then, the rock climbing gym was closed! So, we went to Plan B.

And what a Plan B it was!

Keith is from Palmer, AK. It's a little town surrounded by farms about an hour north of Anchorage. So, when confronted with our rock climbing dilemma, we drove north, and ended up at his house. We basically played with his dad's toys all day- including 4-wheeling through some wooded trails and a ride in a very small float plane- talk about fun! We went up and flew around for a while, with gorgeous Alaska beneath us. It was fun to see moose, swans, and all of the trees and ponds and rivers from above, and a way cool experience to be flying in something so small and made of fabric. And I got to be okay at 4-wheeling. I only got stuck in the mud once, and by the end of our ride I was starting to feel really comfortable with driving. Also, Keith is just entertaining to spend time with, and has adorable little nieces and nephews. It was basically the best day of my Alaska experience so far. It's going to be hard to go to work in the morning...

O'Malley

Well, according to my friend Emily, life is now complete- I have hiked Alaska.

Tonight after work our girls and McKay a couple of other people from church went hiking. We started at about 9:00 at night in out attempt to climb part of the way up O'Malley Peak. We didn't go all the way up to the summit (at almost 5,000 feet up, that was a bit out of our time-budget.) But we did hike up past the saddle to the first big ridge.

After some of the steep, rough gravel trails, big sloshy mud pits, and a few of the most stunning views ever, we reached the ridge!


It was a truly amazing hike. Mildly challenging for an asthmatic little girl just getting off of a long week at work, but the wonderful people I was with and the breath-taking beauty of it all were worth it. Our Lord really did create a gorgeous work of art.

Customer Service

As I've gotten settled in to my job here in Anchorage, and as the season has started to pick up, I spend a lot of my time working customer service. Usually this just means wandering the rows between our plants and asking people if they're finding everything they need, maybe answering a question or two. But sometimes I get a chance to actually help someone find a solution to their landscape problems, with the perfect shrub or tree for their location. Today there was a lot of that. So it wasn't a huge surprise that when I walked up to Burl Stephens to ask if he needed help he started asking me questions about lilacs and spruce trees. What was a surprise was when he left, and hour and twelve hundred dollars later, and asked me to come out and do a bit of design work for him. Me. Not "one of our experienced Evergreen landscape designers". Me, inexperienced except in the classroom Caresse. And considering that landscape design is kind of exactly what I want to do with my life, I'm pretty excited. Just goes to show that it never, ever, hurts to smile, and carry on a cheerful conversation with a person you're working with. Not even if they start out looking like they're going to be nothing but difficult and grumpy.

Caution: Moose Crossing

Today I saw some moose. Mommy moose and baby moose, just hanging out down on Hartzell Road. Alaska is seriously the weirdest place I've ever been. And I love it. The sun never sets here. Well, it does. It just takes a few hours for the sun to go all the way down. I mean, seriously we are thinking about going hiking after work on Saturday, from about 8 pm to midnight. Also, once the sun has gone down it's only dark for a few hours. Yeah, and the moose, they get in to our nursery and eat tree limbs. "Moose damage" is a serious landscaping concern. Weird Alaska.

Airports

I don't like flying very much. There's just something about airports and airplanes that makes me feel dirty and tired and stressed. But this time it's different- as I sit here on the floor near Gate Z7 of the Dulles International Airport waiting for the boarding call for US Airways flight 528, I am feeling energized and awake and excited. About twelve hours from now (yeah, long day, I know) I'll be landing in Anchorage, AK to spend the summer on the coolest internship ever!

Weddings

Today I am mildly jealous. I went to two weddings this weekend, talked about wedding plans with another one of my friends on Friday, and then came home and watched a wedding chick flick. So basically I'm surrounded by weddings and all that they involve.

And it's making me jealous.

And sad.

And a little bit lonely.

But mostly just impatient. I know I'll get married eventually, to someone... I just want to know when that will be, and who it is that I'm going to marry. The not knowing is killing me! And it all boils down to this one fact...

I hate not knowing everything!

So, naturally, this is driving me a little nuts. I've decided that my next topic of scripture study will be patience.

Still Stressing

I have been home all weekend, and still have another week left until I go to Alaska. There is nothing pressing on my agenda, and no one depending on me for anything. So you'd think I'd be pretty relaxed, huh? Well, think again.

I can't get out of Provo for the life of me! I try, and I feel like I'm doing ok at it during the day. But every night, I dream the most stressful dreams. It's crazy! I keep not being able to pack quickly enough, not being able to find a ride to the airport, being irresponsible at work, killing my plants, bumping into people who I don't want to see for the next four months, offending people, etc... all the things that were stressing me in Provo are still stressing me here, in my sleep. And they're all solved problems! So, kind of irritating to wake up all stressed about something you already fixed, right?

Oh well. They aren't problems anymore. I am having a lovely visit home. If I ignore these problems long enough, they should leave my dreams alone. After all, I can't dream about storage units for the rest of my life, can I?

Updated Check List

My to-do list is getting shorter!

• Figure out where to store my stuff this summer
• Pass finals (2 down, 3 to go)
  
• Sort and pack up my life
• Stay healthy and sane
• Write thank-you notes
  
• Sing the "We're going to Alaska" song

So, this is good. Less to do. Less time to do it in. At least I'm getting things checked off in some sort of proportion to the time I have left to do them in. When I get home, though, I have to start another list:

• Love my family
• Be loved back
• Spend time with friends
• Be a little lazy
• Work on a secret project
• Catch up on sleep
• Make sure I have everything I will need in Alaska
• Eat homemade food
• Make homemade food
  
• Work in the garden with Daddy
• Get a haircut
• Lecture my Tanner brother, and meet his girlfriend

So, life is always busy... thank goodness for a little break!

Miracle Cure

They say there's no such thing as a quick fix miracle cure, that that's not the way the real world works. Well, they're wrong. For some things, there is a quick fix cure-all.

Many ailments can be cured by this miracle fix. In my life apathy, gloominess, irritation, anger, despair, and misery often can all be cured with this easy solution. And that solution, for me, is a heavy dose of piano playing, friendship and service. In more severe cases, I can add scripture study and intense prayer to the solution. Of course, some prayer is required in all solutions to any problems ever.

I really do believe in optimism. D&C 123:17 says:

Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.

I love this. I just kind of forgot it over the weekend. Needed a reminder, you know?

I can not do everything. I never will be able to. But I can be cheerful, and I can do some things. So that is good enough. As long as I am cheerfully doing all that I can do, my Lord will make up the difference.

Apathy

Among the most dreaded of emotional states, none is worse, in my personal opinion, than that of apathy. It is apathy that turns life into drudgery, without feeling or emotion. All light of passion goes out as a numbing grey fog settles over the heart.

I'm afraid that this dense mist has been creeping through the cracks in my heart the past few days. I try to banish it, but over and over it returns, extinguishing my desire to act and do, to love and feel and enjoy life. This is especially bad because I have quite a to-do list before me, and a fast-approaching deadline. But try as I might, I can not quite escape the occasional lapse into uncaring numbness.

Worst of all is that under the apathy, there is an element of loneliness that makes it hard to wish the apathy away. Once it's gone, I have to start feeling lonely again. And if I had to pick an "even worse than the worst possible" emotion it would be loneliness.

Deep down somewhere, my heart is holding on to the hope that I know that my life is being guided by a loving Father in Heaven, and that He is always with me. Most days, that hope is right at the core of who I am and all I do. I think I'm letting it slip, however, which is a grave mistake. I need to hold on a bit more tightly to precious hope.

I'm tired of being strong. I want someone else to be strong today, and to let me be carried.

Snow in April

I hate snow in April. Why am I living in Provo?

Successful Experiment of the Day

So, in about an hour I'm going to a ward activity, where we will be eating dinner. So I really shouldn't have made food for myself this evening. But when I got home from taking my two tests today, I just felt like cooking. Also, I had some pork chops defrosted in my fridge. Well, put two and two together, and it adds up to one of my best food experiments ever!

Pork chops have traditionally been a scary sort of thing for me, but this year I've bought them a few times when they were on good sale, and have worked on it until I think I've figured out what I'm doing. They're really good in a crock pot, but slow. On the stove, they only take 10 minutes, but it's harder to keep them from being dry and boring.

Today, I melted butter in a pan, and then added green onion and garlic. I stirred those around for a bit, and then added my pork chops, which were seasoned with lemon pepper. Four minutes, flip, four more minutes... toss them on top of some ditalini pasta to enjoy a small piece of heaven!

Thoughts on my Lord and Savior

Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

-Deuteronomy 31:6

Some dear friend (who has chosen to remain cryptically anonymous) shared this scripture with me today. I wonder how he knew just how badly I needed that reminder.

Today is Easter. It was today, a few thousand years ago, that my Savior Jesus Christ was resurrected from death. Angels announces "He is not here, but is risen" (Luke 24:6). Having suffered and died to give his life for my sake, He rose from the tomb. Because of his sacrifice, I have access to the peace, comfort, and healing of the Atonement. Through His spirit, I have found the courage to go forth in life with enthusiasm and love. In General Conference last weekend, modern apostles of the Lord spoke about our Savior's sacrifice:

Check List

Ok, so I have a lot to do in the next few weeks...

• Figure out where to store my stuff this summer
• Buy a plane ticket to Alaska
• Figure out when I'm coming home from Alaska
• Figure out which home I'm coming to
• Finish this semester's projects
• Take a midterm
• Pass finals
• Sort and pack up my life
• Stay healthy and sane
• Write thank-you notes
  
• Officially turn down a few internship offers
• Sing the "We're going to Alaska" song
• Accompany the choir on Easter

Lots to do. Too much to do, in fact. Hopefully I'll manage to get through it all!

Scattered Thoughts

I am missing a very dear friend this week, especially this morning. And so I'm a little melancholy today.

I'm having a hard time figuring out all of the details on my Alaska internship. I'm excited to go, and think it's what I want to do, but getting everything figured out is proving to be a challenge.

I am trying to figure out life, and it's tricky. I know that the Lord has my life in His hands, but I sometimes doubt that I know how to listen, and I especially doubt my ability to ask the right questions.

Alaska

Well, the numbers make sense.

And this is quite possibly the last time in my life when I won't be tied down to anything.

And there's a good opportunity for experience there.

So, I might be spending this summer in Anchorage.


Ok, so, details: Last week in California, there was a Career Fair. And I played a game with myself called "Let's pretend we like career fairs!" Well. It was quite a successful game. While I still don't like career fairs, I was able to convince myself to be cheerful and enthusiastic and outgoing. I gave out about 20 copies of my resume, had about half a dozen interviews, and received two informal internship offers in the course of those three and a half hours. Since then, the informal offers have become much more concrete, and I have dates and numbers and facts to consider with them. One of them is in Atlanta, GA, and it's not all that compelling. There's not enough financial pull going for it, and it is humid in Georgia in the summer! Alaska, on the other hand, is looking better and better the more I contemplate it. So, I guess it's time to do a bit of research, and some praying. I might end up having the adventure of a lifetime this summer... or I might prune trees for BYU. Sounds like an easy decision when you put it like that, though.

Plotting- Update 3

Mission Aborted: On grounds of the target no longer being the most desirable possible objective.

So, with no further ceremony, "Mission ---- ----- ---- -- ---- ---- -- -----" has been prematurely aborted, before it even had a chance to move into PHASE TWO. Bummer, huh?

Actually, not really. In all reality, the abortion of this top-secret mission is a good thing. It means my life is going in a different, better direction than I had previously hoped. It means that the world continues to be an exciting, dynamic place where change is a good, glorious reality. It means my Father in Heaven has my heart in His very capable hands, and has yet again directed my life forward and closer to Him. It really was a silly mission, anyway.

California

It's been a whole week since I blogged last- crazy! But I've been too busy out here in sunny, gorgeous California! It's snowing in Provo, so it's been good to be not there. Anyway, I have a few minutes, so I thought I'd update the world (or at least the very few people who read my blog) on what I've been up to lately!

I'm in California on a trip with about 70 people from the BYU Landscape Management program, including our professors and BYU Grounds people. We came to participate in PLANET SCD (See previous post Pest Management for more information) and to spend a few days in sunny California. The event was over the weekend; I placed 2nd in my event, which was fabulous and astounding. When they announced it, I was totally floored. Also, I did a beautiful job of being a social butterfly at the career fair, and landed several interviews, and two internship offers for this summer.

Today, we spent the day at Huntington Gardens, which was gorgeous. So many lovely things were growing there! And tomorrow, we're going to the beach! So, I'm going to soak up some lovely sunshine! And also, I plan on enjoying the lovely company of my funny friends in my major...

Mickey Rooney & the Ponies

This is our band name. We are currently in the market for instrument playing people, but Stephie and I have the vocals pretty well covered, probably. We even have worked up a set list:

• Breakfast at Tiffany's
• 50 Nifty United States
• My Favorite Things
• Celebration
• Spice Girls (any, and all, of their songs)

Yeah... it'll be good. Interested musicians may inquire within.