Anger Management

Do you ever have those days where you just want to bop people right on the top of their little heads? I have been feeling like those heads around me are in severe jeopardy lately.

It's just that people are different than me, and it annoys me.

Also, I haven't been getting much sleep, so I'm intolerant of other opinions.

I haven't decapitated anyone yet. I'm hoping that I keep up that streak. Wish me luck.

Worried Sick

Now, those who know me can attest to the fact that I am a champion worrier when it comes to those I love. I get stressed about my school, work, etc., but if anything is going wrong in the life of those people who I love, it becomes a much bigger deal. So it is surprising for me to say that I have never really felt "sick" with worry before.

It's not a nice feeling.

You know how when you have the stomach flu, you can feel the pain swirling dully in your gut, and pounding relentlessly at your temples? And fever burns behind your eyelids, and you know that somewhere in your body you're hot but feel just icy? And then it's not even like you're really there, because you float in and out of consciousness so fluidly that you can't even tell if you still have a body? And you're in so much pain that everything is irritating and annoying and wrong?

The phrase "worried sick" is an allusion to stomach flu.

You can feel the anxious tension all through your core, and nasty, nagging thoughts of horrid conclusions bombard your mind constantly. Your eyelids burn with pricking tears that you have to try to suppress, and there's part of you that's boiling mad, but you just feel cold and desperate. And your mind just wanders, disconnected from everything that is real and solid in front of you. And you just have to try not to talk, because you know you'll snap at everyone for any tiny little thing, and any phone noises or people near your door make you that much more tense and nervous all over again.

Today, Keith was supposed to come down to Provo from Logan. The plan was for him to get here around 2. By about 3, he still hadn't shown up, and I just assumed that he'd been delayed an hour. My roommate Steph distracted me at about 4 with a major house cleaning project- our apartment gets pretty messy, so I was able to channel my worry into productive cleaning and less-productive complaining about how fast our kitchen gets filthy for a while. When it got to be about 5 and I still hadn't heard from him and he wasn't answering the calls that I made every 5 minutes or so, I started to really worry. KSL.com said that there had been a crazy accident around 1 in the afternoon involving 8 cars and a reckless driver. That offered a possible solution. Not a very positive one, though. Keith's Jetta wouldn't hold up to very much if he was hit just right. I called his roommate, the only contact number I had. He didn't answer, but sent me a text message a few hours later to say that he was in New York. We had some lovely adventures in miscommunication for the next hour or so while I tried to get Keith's brother/roommate Calvin's number, who also didn't answer my calls or text messages. By10:00 when Keith finally called me, you can imagine the state I was in. If your imagination really isn't that great, go have a stomach flu or food poisoning. Then you'll catch the metaphor.

Anyway, all is well. Some jumble over an 18-month-old vehicle registration issue that the legal system can't seem to record the resolution of... anyway, Keith spent his evening worrying from jail in Ogden about me worrying my head off here. Not a very great day. But all's well that ends well, eh? That's the phrase, anyway, and he's not in a hospital somewhere, or a morgue. I get really morbid when I worry. I should work on that.

Plus, for an extra bonus, now I know just how literally physical the feeling of being "worried sick" really is.

Diseased

This week I was supposed to be ridiculously busy taking midterms and keeping up with the rest of my school and work and other obligations. Instead, I have spent the majority of my hours between two different locations: my bed, and (when feeling especially spry) our couch.

I hate having the flu, and it really couldn't have had worse timing.

And now my head is all foggy, and I can't hardly think or focus to even try to study for my midterms. I have 5 of them to take. By now, I was supposed to have taken 3 of them. Instead, I have taken 0. Yuck for tomorrow, huh?

Luckily, most of my professors are going to do what they can to help me take them when I'm feeling better.

Apple Juice

I hate apple juice.

It's disgusting.


This morning I visited a doctor, who told me I needed to be drinking juice. Apple or cranberry. The rest of that lovely doctor visit and attached circumstances are another day's post. And so, on my way home from doctor's I walked right past the grocery store, so I stopped in to buy juice. Except it was just the tiny little Creamery on Ninth. So they had a whole huge row of soda pops and just a tiny section of juice. Only apple. No other options. Actually, they had V8 also. Gross.

And so I walked home, apple juice in tow. I've had 3 whole glasses of apple juice since then. THREE! That's a lot, people!

I truly struggled through my last glass, though. I filled a small glass with juice, and a large glass with water, and told myself that I could not have any water until I drank all of the apple juice. It was so hard! I wanted so badly to get to that cool, crisp, delicious, smooth glass of water. But I had to wade my way through the muggy, sticky, thick sweetness of apple juice first. Yuck.

My roommate doesn't drink enough water. She actually buys apple juice to drink so that she'll stay hydrated enough, because when water is the only option, she'll choose not to drink anything. I simply can not fathom how anyone could ever so seriously prefer apple juice over water. It's like preferring Little Caesar's to Brick Oven (which I ate tonight- yum!). Preferring something all mucked up with filth and extra stickiness- I just don't get it. Of course, she sees it the opposite way- how would anyone prefer water? It's like preferring a Hershey's chocolate bar to triple chocolate cheesecake. Except she won't even get that analogy- she dislikes chocolate even more than she dislikes water. Anyway, it was a funny contrast to discuss this evening.

Today

Today was rough.

Work was awful, mainly because of that stupid Anton, who is a jerk and bossy and annoying and ungrateful and all sorts of other things. Also because we're being called lazy because it's the end of the summer and we're all tired of working hard at a thankless, useless job. So, essentially, I quit. A long time ago, I tentatively said today would be my last day at work, but lately I've been thinking I'd work through into next week, at least a few days. But today I just couldn't handle the thought of working more days at Evergreen, so I reverted to the old plan, and am officially done. Never going into that nursery to work again. I might try to find out if my boss Jared has any jobs outside of the nursery that need to be worked on this next week, but we'll see. Maybe.

Also, Keith's dumb friends have him stuck in Willow, AK until probably around 11:00 tonight. So I don't get to see him, which is making me just mad.

Also, my best friend just got married in Washington D.C. and I'm not there.

Also, PMS happens.