I have been home all weekend, and still have another week left until I go to Alaska. There is nothing pressing on my agenda, and no one depending on me for anything. So you'd think I'd be pretty relaxed, huh? Well, think again.
I can't get out of Provo for the life of me! I try, and I feel like I'm doing ok at it during the day. But every night, I dream the most stressful dreams. It's crazy! I keep not being able to pack quickly enough, not being able to find a ride to the airport, being irresponsible at work, killing my plants, bumping into people who I don't want to see for the next four months, offending people, etc... all the things that were stressing me in Provo are still stressing me here, in my sleep. And they're all solved problems! So, kind of irritating to wake up all stressed about something you already fixed, right?
Oh well. They aren't problems anymore. I am having a lovely visit home. If I ignore these problems long enough, they should leave my dreams alone. After all, I can't dream about storage units for the rest of my life, can I?
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Updated Check List
My to-do list is getting shorter!
- Figure out where to store my stuff this summer
- Pass finals (2 down, 3 to go)
- Sort and pack up my life
- Stay healthy and sane
- Write thank-you notes
- Sing the "We're going to Alaska" song
- Love my family
- Be loved back
- Spend time with friends
- Be a little lazy
- Work on a secret project
- Catch up on sleep
- Make sure I have everything I will need in Alaska
- Eat homemade food
- Make homemade food
- Work in the garden with Daddy
- Get a haircut
- Lecture my Tanner brother, and meet his girlfriend
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Miracle Cure
They say there's no such thing as a quick fix miracle cure, that that's not the way the real world works. Well, they're wrong. For some things, there is a quick fix cure-all.
Many ailments can be cured by this miracle fix. In my life apathy, gloominess, irritation, anger, despair, and misery often can all be cured with this easy solution. And that solution, for me, is a heavy dose of piano playing, friendship and service. In more severe cases, I can add scripture study and intense prayer to the solution. Of course, some prayer is required in all solutions to any problems ever.
I really do believe in optimism. D&C 123:17 says:
I can not do everything. I never will be able to. But I can be cheerful, and I can do some things. So that is good enough. As long as I am cheerfully doing all that I can do, my Lord will make up the difference.
Many ailments can be cured by this miracle fix. In my life apathy, gloominess, irritation, anger, despair, and misery often can all be cured with this easy solution. And that solution, for me, is a heavy dose of piano playing, friendship and service. In more severe cases, I can add scripture study and intense prayer to the solution. Of course, some prayer is required in all solutions to any problems ever.
I really do believe in optimism. D&C 123:17 says:
Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.I love this. I just kind of forgot it over the weekend. Needed a reminder, you know?
I can not do everything. I never will be able to. But I can be cheerful, and I can do some things. So that is good enough. As long as I am cheerfully doing all that I can do, my Lord will make up the difference.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Apathy
Among the most dreaded of emotional states, none is worse, in my personal opinion, than that of apathy. It is apathy that turns life into drudgery, without feeling or emotion. All light of passion goes out as a numbing grey fog settles over the heart.
I'm afraid that this dense mist has been creeping through the cracks in my heart the past few days. I try to banish it, but over and over it returns, extinguishing my desire to act and do, to love and feel and enjoy life. This is especially bad because I have quite a to-do list before me, and a fast-approaching deadline. But try as I might, I can not quite escape the occasional lapse into uncaring numbness.
Worst of all is that under the apathy, there is an element of loneliness that makes it hard to wish the apathy away. Once it's gone, I have to start feeling lonely again. And if I had to pick an "even worse than the worst possible" emotion it would be loneliness.
Deep down somewhere, my heart is holding on to the hope that I know that my life is being guided by a loving Father in Heaven, and that He is always with me. Most days, that hope is right at the core of who I am and all I do. I think I'm letting it slip, however, which is a grave mistake. I need to hold on a bit more tightly to precious hope.
I'm tired of being strong. I want someone else to be strong today, and to let me be carried.
I'm afraid that this dense mist has been creeping through the cracks in my heart the past few days. I try to banish it, but over and over it returns, extinguishing my desire to act and do, to love and feel and enjoy life. This is especially bad because I have quite a to-do list before me, and a fast-approaching deadline. But try as I might, I can not quite escape the occasional lapse into uncaring numbness.
Worst of all is that under the apathy, there is an element of loneliness that makes it hard to wish the apathy away. Once it's gone, I have to start feeling lonely again. And if I had to pick an "even worse than the worst possible" emotion it would be loneliness.
Deep down somewhere, my heart is holding on to the hope that I know that my life is being guided by a loving Father in Heaven, and that He is always with me. Most days, that hope is right at the core of who I am and all I do. I think I'm letting it slip, however, which is a grave mistake. I need to hold on a bit more tightly to precious hope.
I'm tired of being strong. I want someone else to be strong today, and to let me be carried.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Successful Experiment of the Day
So, in about an hour I'm going to a ward activity, where we will be eating dinner. So I really shouldn't have made food for myself this evening. But when I got home from taking my two tests today, I just felt like cooking. Also, I had some pork chops defrosted in my fridge. Well, put two and two together, and it adds up to one of my best food experiments ever!
Pork chops have traditionally been a scary sort of thing for me, but this year I've bought them a few times when they were on good sale, and have worked on it until I think I've figured out what I'm doing. They're really good in a crock pot, but slow. On the stove, they only take 10 minutes, but it's harder to keep them from being dry and boring.
Today, I melted butter in a pan, and then added green onion and garlic. I stirred those around for a bit, and then added my pork chops, which were seasoned with lemon pepper. Four minutes, flip, four more minutes... toss them on top of some ditalini pasta to enjoy a small piece of heaven!
Pork chops have traditionally been a scary sort of thing for me, but this year I've bought them a few times when they were on good sale, and have worked on it until I think I've figured out what I'm doing. They're really good in a crock pot, but slow. On the stove, they only take 10 minutes, but it's harder to keep them from being dry and boring.
Today, I melted butter in a pan, and then added green onion and garlic. I stirred those around for a bit, and then added my pork chops, which were seasoned with lemon pepper. Four minutes, flip, four more minutes... toss them on top of some ditalini pasta to enjoy a small piece of heaven!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Thoughts on my Lord and Savior
Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
-Deuteronomy 31:6
Some dear friend (who has chosen to remain cryptically anonymous) shared this scripture with me today. I wonder how he knew just how badly I needed that reminder.
Today is Easter. It was today, a few thousand years ago, that my Savior Jesus Christ was resurrected from death. Angels announces "He is not here, but is risen" (Luke 24:6). Having suffered and died to give his life for my sake, He rose from the tomb. Because of his sacrifice, I have access to the peace, comfort, and healing of the Atonement. Through His spirit, I have found the courage to go forth in life with enthusiasm and love. In General Conference last weekend, modern apostles of the Lord spoke about our Savior's sacrifice:
Today is Easter. It was today, a few thousand years ago, that my Savior Jesus Christ was resurrected from death. Angels announces "He is not here, but is risen" (Luke 24:6). Having suffered and died to give his life for my sake, He rose from the tomb. Because of his sacrifice, I have access to the peace, comfort, and healing of the Atonement. Through His spirit, I have found the courage to go forth in life with enthusiasm and love. In General Conference last weekend, modern apostles of the Lord spoke about our Savior's sacrifice:
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Check List
Ok, so I have a lot to do in the next few weeks...
- Figure out where to store my stuff this summer
- Buy a plane ticket to Alaska
- Figure out when I'm coming home from Alaska
- Figure out which home I'm coming to
- Finish this semester's projects
- Take a midterm
- Pass finals
- Sort and pack up my life
- Stay healthy and sane
- Write thank-you notes
- Officially turn down a few internship offers
- Sing the "We're going to Alaska" song
- Accompany the choir on Easter
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Scattered Thoughts
I am missing a very dear friend this week, especially this morning. And so I'm a little melancholy today.
I'm having a hard time figuring out all of the details on my Alaska internship. I'm excited to go, and think it's what I want to do, but getting everything figured out is proving to be a challenge.
I am trying to figure out life, and it's tricky. I know that the Lord has my life in His hands, but I sometimes doubt that I know how to listen, and I especially doubt my ability to ask the right questions.
I'm having a hard time figuring out all of the details on my Alaska internship. I'm excited to go, and think it's what I want to do, but getting everything figured out is proving to be a challenge.
I am trying to figure out life, and it's tricky. I know that the Lord has my life in His hands, but I sometimes doubt that I know how to listen, and I especially doubt my ability to ask the right questions.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Alaska
Well, the numbers make sense.
And this is quite possibly the last time in my life when I won't be tied down to anything.
And there's a good opportunity for experience there.
So, I might be spending this summer in Anchorage.
Ok, so, details: Last week in California, there was a Career Fair. And I played a game with myself called "Let's pretend we like career fairs!" Well. It was quite a successful game. While I still don't like career fairs, I was able to convince myself to be cheerful and enthusiastic and outgoing. I gave out about 20 copies of my resume, had about half a dozen interviews, and received two informal internship offers in the course of those three and a half hours. Since then, the informal offers have become much more concrete, and I have dates and numbers and facts to consider with them. One of them is in Atlanta, GA, and it's not all that compelling. There's not enough financial pull going for it, and it is humid in Georgia in the summer! Alaska, on the other hand, is looking better and better the more I contemplate it. So, I guess it's time to do a bit of research, and some praying. I might end up having the adventure of a lifetime this summer... or I might prune trees for BYU. Sounds like an easy decision when you put it like that, though.
And this is quite possibly the last time in my life when I won't be tied down to anything.
And there's a good opportunity for experience there.
So, I might be spending this summer in Anchorage.
Ok, so, details: Last week in California, there was a Career Fair. And I played a game with myself called "Let's pretend we like career fairs!" Well. It was quite a successful game. While I still don't like career fairs, I was able to convince myself to be cheerful and enthusiastic and outgoing. I gave out about 20 copies of my resume, had about half a dozen interviews, and received two informal internship offers in the course of those three and a half hours. Since then, the informal offers have become much more concrete, and I have dates and numbers and facts to consider with them. One of them is in Atlanta, GA, and it's not all that compelling. There's not enough financial pull going for it, and it is humid in Georgia in the summer! Alaska, on the other hand, is looking better and better the more I contemplate it. So, I guess it's time to do a bit of research, and some praying. I might end up having the adventure of a lifetime this summer... or I might prune trees for BYU. Sounds like an easy decision when you put it like that, though.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Plotting- Update 3
Mission Aborted: On grounds of the target no longer being the most desirable possible objective.
So, with no further ceremony, "Mission ---- ----- ---- -- ---- ---- -- -----" has been prematurely aborted, before it even had a chance to move into PHASE TWO. Bummer, huh?
Actually, not really. In all reality, the abortion of this top-secret mission is a good thing. It means my life is going in a different, better direction than I had previously hoped. It means that the world continues to be an exciting, dynamic place where change is a good, glorious reality. It means my Father in Heaven has my heart in His very capable hands, and has yet again directed my life forward and closer to Him. It really was a silly mission, anyway.
So, with no further ceremony, "Mission ---- ----- ---- -- ---- ---- -- -----" has been prematurely aborted, before it even had a chance to move into PHASE TWO. Bummer, huh?
Actually, not really. In all reality, the abortion of this top-secret mission is a good thing. It means my life is going in a different, better direction than I had previously hoped. It means that the world continues to be an exciting, dynamic place where change is a good, glorious reality. It means my Father in Heaven has my heart in His very capable hands, and has yet again directed my life forward and closer to Him. It really was a silly mission, anyway.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)