Smoothies

So, I recently discovered the joy of blending stuff! It's been great so far. I've made all sorts of yummy mixtures so far. Some favorites:
-chocolate cherry (with hot cocoa mix!)
-mango strawberry
-cherry peach
-raspberry/ blackberry
So good! I'm almost out of vanilla yogurt, though! Yikes!

Confidence

Confidence is a dangerous thing. I'm not quite as sold on the whole idea today as I was just 24 hours ago. I used to have absolutely no confidence AT ALL, and that was miserable, but this summer I'm positively brimming with it, and it turns out that comes with its own new slew of problems. For example, I get overly confident about how I'm going to do at school, and then don't do as well as I should on tests and things. Or I totally botch up a cut at work because I'm pretty sure it'll be ok, and then it isn't and I've created a huge hole. Worst of all is the fact that I am overly confident with myself when it comes to people, and it's turning me into a ridiculous flirt. I am not trying to lead anyone on. That is so far from my intentions that I don't understand how it keeps happening. I am definitely not trying to fling myself at people. I just want to tell them all that I am in love with myself, not with them. But that's not exactly a kind statement. And then there's the issue called when I'm too confident I tend to fib to myself instead of admitting that there are flaws or dents or even little inconsistencies in my plan. I like having thoroughly defined plans. They make me feel so secure about things. Luckily or not, however, life does not like to follow my plans. And so I stubbornly hold to them, refusing to admit that maybe a different plan would be better, or at least possible, and then the inconsistencies build up until they finally come crashing through, and I have to finally admit to myself that I've been lying about things, and hiding from truth. And so we see that confidence isn't always entirely healthy for me. I need to reign myself in a little bit. Take some time to breathe. And think. And pray. And listen. I especially need to listen better.

Free Cell

Stubbornness and competitiveness are funny things. Today I think that they go together quite well. I was working on a game of free cell against my computer today, and couldn't figure it out. I got so close... a lot of times. It's kind of embarrassing how many times I tried to solve that silly puzzle. And then I accidentally pressed "New" instead of "Retry"! I almost cried because I don't remember which one it was that I was working on! I might never solve it. I contemplated going through and trying to find it, but that felt a little ridiculous. I wonder if there's a "Recently Played" list somewhere that I could find. I'll have to go look. But I was just laughing at myself for how badly I wanted to solve this silly game and how in to it I got, even though it actually doesn't matter in the end. Funny.
At my job this week we've been pruning Pyracantha. It's a wicked, spiny thing whose branches get all tangled up into each other, and it doesn't seem to appreciate being pruned. It stabs at you and is itchy and irritating. Those silly plants can get me so worked up. The more it pokes me and the harder it resists being pulled apart the more stubborn I get. But I love it. I love that no matter how hard they resist, I am stronger than these silly shrubs, and will eventually win! It's glorious.
I think in the end it's mostly just about being good at things. When I feel like I should be good at something, and then I'm not doing as well as I would like to be, I start fighting for it. Silly, stubborn me. Good thing I've learned how to laugh at myself instead of getting frustrated. Also, it's a good thing that Pyracantha isn't as tough as I am!

Growing Up

I’m not sure what it is about being a “young adult” that is so frightening. It may be the rapid and unpredictable changes that are happening to my life as well as to who I am. It could be my sudden independence, which leaves me to deal with these changes using my own judgment. Whatever it is about being in this stage in life that frightens me, though, also is exciting and wonderful. I am ready for life! I can do it, because regardless of all these other changes, I have a family and wonderful friends, and they love me. My family has taught me how to love and laugh and work and pray. I have learned from their examples, and am strengthened by their love and faith. They bless me every day of my life. They have blessed me to realize how much I am worth by simply loving me. I want to be better so that I can in turn bless them. It is amazing how much courage I draw from simply knowing that there are people I can turn to if I ever need any kind of help. It is also comforting to realize that, although they are always there to help me when I need it, I have been making my own good decisions every day of my life. Based off of what I have learned from my family, I am ready to conquer life, and to celebrate and enjoy it! The freedom and bliss that come from knowing that my life is in loving hands amazes me. It is an ecstatic, joyous feeling!

The First of the Silliness

I don't know why I felt compelled to set up a blog. It's funny. Maybe I just need someplace to put all the silly things I'm thinking down. After all, I think an awful lot of silly things. I think I miss writing. I love everything I'm studying, but I don't get a chance to write as much as I wish I did. I miss being a journalist, even though I wasn't ever great at that. I miss using exactly the right word to say just what I want to say. The last time I really thought my words out carefully it was to tell someone off after a long time of them deserving to hear it. I need to use my words for positive reasons, too. So I have joined the blogging masses. And so far, I think it's kind of fun!