Communication

I've been thinking a lot about communication lately: why situations make communication more difficult, why we choose to communicate some things and not others, how things can be communicated without us intending for them to be, why some people are better communicators than others, how communication depends so much upon timing, how social conventions sometimes restrict effective communication, and what we can do to communicate effectively in spite of social barriers.

I'm in a Technical Communication class, and we've been doing presentations on research topics. I did mine yesterday, and I think it went pretty well, but I'm also quite sure that I talked too quickly and too quietly. Also, I probably said "um..." too many times. But it's hard to explain Carbon Sequestration well in only 8 minutes.

In other communications, I've been thinking lately about how much things are said without the use of words. Why and how we communicate without speaking is fascinating to me. It's amazing how much is said in facial expressions and body language, and in the signals we give off that somehow are almost universally understood. It's the almost part that gets tricky, though. Because what if signals are read incorrectly, or not read at all? Considering the great difficulty that comes in these situations, it's a shock that we bother to use signals at all. Why don't we just say what's on our minds? Probably because, like it or not, sometimes honest communication is frowned upon in our society. Social conventions say that it's somehow better to use vague, confusing signs and expressions than to state outright what we are thinking or feeling. So much for valuing honesty... or maybe not. Maybe we rely on physical communication so much because of how easy it can be to lie with your lips. Expressions are often more reliable than words. As I exhibited earlier today, for instance, it's easy to deny something out loud, but much harder to keep your face from going bright red as the corners of your lips sneak upward into a smile. And so, deny as I might, those silly people could not be kept from the truth.

In spite of the confusion that comes from relying so heavily on signals, it sometimes works out that people read the right signs in the right way, and act on them to make life quite more than bearable!

Blogger's Block

So, I can't think of anything to write... I thought about writing a list of the things I'm grateful for, since it's Thanksgiving time. I thought about writing about the funny things I've noticed on the playlist I've been listening to this week. I thought about talking about Christmas time, since I've been starting to decorate and listening to carols. I thought about writing about the silliness I've been up to the past few days... but then I decided that I didn't really want to write about any of those things.

And so, I'm writing about all the things that I don't want to write about instead.

I really don't want to write about carbon sequestration. But I have to. I'm writing a research paper on that fabulous topic for my English 316 class. It's a pretty solid paper at the moment, but I don't like it at all. I know it's a good paper, but I don't feel like it's a piece of writing I can be proud of. Also, who even cares about carbon sequestration?

All in all, I don't want to write anything. I have an email I've been meaning to respond to, and don't want to write that either. My journal entries this week have been ridiculously short.

I need to go home. It's time for Christmas to be here already!

OK- enough rambling for now. Maybe the next time I write I'll be more positive, and have something to say!

The "L-word"

You all know the one I'm talking about. Four letters long, and in some situations the scariest thing you could possibly say. In other situations, rumor has it, it's heavenly.

L-O-V-E

Who knew a word could be so powerful?

I think I use this word too often. I love cornbread. I love driving my BYU Grounds truck. I love having a clean kitchen. I love my bed, and especially my pillow. I love, love, love... fill in the blanks.

The madness has got to stop! There are things in this world that I really do love, and feel good about giving that label to. I love my major. I love my roommates, my best friends, my family. I love reading my scriptures, and I love the Lord. I love a lot of very valid things. But I say that I love a lot of silly, irrelevant things.

I've been wondering about that word in relation to people lately. No one questions it when I say that I love my family, or my roommates or my visiting teachers or my female coworkers or neighbors or the girl I just met three and a half minutes ago when she took my order at a restaurant (hypothetically, of course). But when I want to tell my boys that I love them? Yikes, watch out!

I've decided that the use of the word "love" in my life is in need of some reform. I need to (1) use it less often for things that are silly and (2) use it more often for people who are important in my life regardless of whether they are male or female. I won't claim to love the restaurant girl, but I'm going to try not to shy away from letting my boys know that I love them.

The problem with "love" is that it means so many different things, especially between girls and boys. When I throw that word down, I could mean "I think you're fun to be with for now" (as in "haha- I'm a ditz and I love you! haha"). It could mean "I care for you at the same level that I care for my best girlfriends, and no one balks when I say I love them." Or it could mean that I've suddenly fallen head-over-heels in LOVE with one of my boys. And while that one is the least likely for me to be expressing, it's where people jump to when they jump to conclusions.

I told an ex-boyfriend that I loved him the other day, casually. We were chatting online, and he was about to sign out so I said "ttyl- love ya!" That really should be an ok thing to say, shouldn't it? Or when I went to visit my friend who recently broke his hand. I was about to leave, and said "Ok- promise to call me if you need anything. Remember- I love you." I think I might have freaked him out a little bit. I have a friend who often calls me on the phone to check up on me and make sure I had a good day. Up until now I have resisted the urge to say "Talk to you later- love you!" at the end of conversations, but maybe next time I won't. I think it every time, in the "I care for you and hope everything is going well in your life" sort of way. But with it always on my mind, one of these days it's going to slip out, so wouldn't it be better for me to make a conscious decision that it's an ok thing to say? That way it wouldn't surprise me when it came out. Either way, I think it would surprise him a bit too much.

So in conclusion: You're just not supposed to say "love you" to boys. It freaks them out a little. So... what? I never get to say it? Or I say it and freak them out. One or the other. This week I chose a bit of both- "love you"s to some of them, "uh... bye"s to others.

Either way, it's probably not true that I love applesauce. But I think I might go eat some before bed anyways!

The Coolest Saturday Ever!

Today was a good day. Here are the fabulous things I did:

1. Cousin Breakfast- my cousin Jen was in town from Texas, so the Johnson cousins who are here who weren't busy went out to breakfast. It was so good to see everyone and share love and excitement with them all!
2. Football Game- BYU played SDSU, and they were actually playing. It was good to see my Cougars play actual football again. We won. We played pretty good ball. Wish we hadn't let them score so much on us (12 points) but it was still good to see.
3. Stadium Cleanup- Not actually something that sounds like fun, but it was really good. I was so wet when I was done. SO WET! Yikes. But it felt great to work hard, and get some things done.
   
4. Shower- Warm water and then dry clothes- need I say more?
   
5. Bonfire- Hot dog roasting and marshmallow toasting! YUM! Steph, Katie and I went with our friend Kyle to his sister's house where they have a fire pit. Two of his nephews were out there with us, and they were SO CUTE! It was so good to play with those little kid.
   
6. Wii Sports- Tennis and Bowling (I won!) and Golf. I had never played Wii golf before. It was an adventure.
7. Jeeping- Kyle has a Jeep with some crazy thing to lock his axles or something. I don't know what. Anyway, we were just driving a few blocks, and then it ended up being a jeeping trip. Katie and Stephie and I were squealing and giggling the whole time.
   
8. Drinking Water- Fire=Dehydration. That's bad. Love water!
   
9. Chilling on the Couch Blogging
10. Brian Regan

Next I'm going to shower and go to bed! Yay bed!

Roommate Love!

Tonight is roommate date night! It's fabulous. I have basically the most wonderful roommates in the world, even if they do laugh at my horrific spelling as they read over my shoulder as I blog about them...

So, we're just all sitting here, cozy on the couch. And it's super fun. I don't really know what else to say about roommate love, but it's one of the best feelings in the world.

We're going out to yummy dinner at Olive Garden tonight. Katie's never been, and so we are going to celebrate love, and Stephie is fully planning on going all out- yay splurging on yummy food!

Next semester Katie is going off on adventure in Scotland... it will be so exciting for her, but sad for us. We're hoping the love doesn't leave with her. But we got really lucky with this "mystery roommate #4" and so are hopeful that the next one will be decent.

Well, Allison just got home from Volleyball, so it is almost time for the next part of date night. I'm so excited for good food, it's ridiculous!

I think I'm going to go Wikipedia what Italian people eat for breakfast, but I'm so very grateful for my fabulous home. It's full of love, love, love... like this: <3!

Reasons for Tension, Stress, Worry in My Life Today

TENSION: Currently caused by football. TCU was leading the whole game and then they let Utah score in the last minute of game time, and lost 13:10. Dumb horned frogs.

STRESS: The future. What else could stress a girl out quite like that concept? I am especially stressed after my "Careers in Landscape Management" class every week, where we learn that I don't have anywhere near enough practical knowledge to succeed as anything in the green industry. Talk about comforting insights coming from that class... or not! And then there's the fact that I'm growing up... don't even get me started on how freaked out that thought makes me!

WORRY: There are too many people that I know who are struggling with hard stuff right now. I'm a natural worrier. I just tend to be concerned for everyone else. Especially when I'm stressed (see above) I worry even more. Old friends and family members and people from home... so many of them are dealing with big, hard things, and I can't fix any of it. But I worry anyways. Also, it's 9:30 and my roommate isn't home yet. She should have been home by 9:15 at the latest... I sound like her mother...



JOY: I didn't remember to mention this one in the title, but there is so much joy! In the world of football, VT upset Maryland (number 23) tonight, 23:13. As a Virginia girl, that was good to see. Go HOKIES! My future isn't so bleak; I love the things I'm studying and have so many more opportunities ahead of me in the year and a half until I graduate. Also, I've been promised that things will work out if I have faith. I need to have faith for everyone else, too. Things will work out. Isn't hope beautiful!?! So even though I can't fix everything, I need to remember to keep going. "Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" (John 14:27). Love that scripture. I need to rededicate myself to living that way.

"Fear not, neither be dismayed"

It has been over a month since I wrote an update here. That's a long time! So, I decided to fix that by writing something tonight. It promises not to be brilliant, but that's alright. Can't be brilliant every time.

I have some serious issues with growing up. Some days I just don't want to do it; being an adult is too hard, so I am going to pretend to be 7 years old for the rest of my life. Some days I am ready to be done growing up, to be 82 years old with 27 grandchildren and a few great grandchildren on the way. Rarely I am content to be 20 years old and figuring life out. Being 20 is simply too confusing.

I'm afraid of growing up. I'm scared of making decisions that will impact the rest of my life and forever. I don't like trusting new people, but know that blocking everyone out doesn't work. I'm not certain that I trust myself. There are too many things I have to decide that I might mess up for me to trust myself.

I want life to speed up too often. I need to slow down and be content with the place I'm at now. There are so many good things going on in my life. I have to stop complaining long enough to appreciate them instead of going through life scowling with worry and being grumpy all the time.

I need to serve other people more. Service is the best way to get my mind off of my silly self. So that's what I need to do.

Today there was a BYU Devotional given on hope. It was a wonderful devotional. I love the concept of hope. Hope is what fills the world with purpose, that convinces us to keep going. Hope makes it possible for us to use the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Hope is what allows us to look forward to a joyous, wonderful forever. Hope is what brings the beautiful things around us to our attention and helps us sing blissful praises of gratitude to our Heavenly Father for these blessings. It was a good message for me to hear today.

There's snow on the mountains today, and wet fall leaves litter the sidewalks. It's beautiful.

Deuteronomy 31:6, 8
Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee... And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.