The "L-word"

You all know the one I'm talking about. Four letters long, and in some situations the scariest thing you could possibly say. In other situations, rumor has it, it's heavenly.

L-O-V-E

Who knew a word could be so powerful?

I think I use this word too often. I love cornbread. I love driving my BYU Grounds truck. I love having a clean kitchen. I love my bed, and especially my pillow. I love, love, love... fill in the blanks.

The madness has got to stop! There are things in this world that I really do love, and feel good about giving that label to. I love my major. I love my roommates, my best friends, my family. I love reading my scriptures, and I love the Lord. I love a lot of very valid things. But I say that I love a lot of silly, irrelevant things.

I've been wondering about that word in relation to people lately. No one questions it when I say that I love my family, or my roommates or my visiting teachers or my female coworkers or neighbors or the girl I just met three and a half minutes ago when she took my order at a restaurant (hypothetically, of course). But when I want to tell my boys that I love them? Yikes, watch out!

I've decided that the use of the word "love" in my life is in need of some reform. I need to (1) use it less often for things that are silly and (2) use it more often for people who are important in my life regardless of whether they are male or female. I won't claim to love the restaurant girl, but I'm going to try not to shy away from letting my boys know that I love them.

The problem with "love" is that it means so many different things, especially between girls and boys. When I throw that word down, I could mean "I think you're fun to be with for now" (as in "haha- I'm a ditz and I love you! haha"). It could mean "I care for you at the same level that I care for my best girlfriends, and no one balks when I say I love them." Or it could mean that I've suddenly fallen head-over-heels in LOVE with one of my boys. And while that one is the least likely for me to be expressing, it's where people jump to when they jump to conclusions.

I told an ex-boyfriend that I loved him the other day, casually. We were chatting online, and he was about to sign out so I said "ttyl- love ya!" That really should be an ok thing to say, shouldn't it? Or when I went to visit my friend who recently broke his hand. I was about to leave, and said "Ok- promise to call me if you need anything. Remember- I love you." I think I might have freaked him out a little bit. I have a friend who often calls me on the phone to check up on me and make sure I had a good day. Up until now I have resisted the urge to say "Talk to you later- love you!" at the end of conversations, but maybe next time I won't. I think it every time, in the "I care for you and hope everything is going well in your life" sort of way. But with it always on my mind, one of these days it's going to slip out, so wouldn't it be better for me to make a conscious decision that it's an ok thing to say? That way it wouldn't surprise me when it came out. Either way, I think it would surprise him a bit too much.

So in conclusion: You're just not supposed to say "love you" to boys. It freaks them out a little. So... what? I never get to say it? Or I say it and freak them out. One or the other. This week I chose a bit of both- "love you"s to some of them, "uh... bye"s to others.

Either way, it's probably not true that I love applesauce. But I think I might go eat some before bed anyways!