On the Topic of Being in Love...

Which, believe it or not, is a fairly different topic than I wrote about on the 16th of this month.

This whole "in love" thing is a very complicated emotional state to be in. "In love" confuses me. It can be the most fabulous thing in the world, especially when all is going well. Then it just feels like the world loves you, and you can cheerfully return the favor. Disappointed and in love is a bad, bad thing. Life is all grey clouds and irritation, with a fair bit of melancholy weather thrown in there. Neither of those confuses me, though. When it's happy or rather not, love makes at least some sense. It's my current experience of being in a very persistent and one-sided version of love that has me puzzled.

Typically, I rebound out of relationships... hard. It's a little ridiculous, but after the brief bout of grief has passed, I become a ridiculous flirt, entirely heedless of reason for a few days. And I start looking up the previous boys that I've been interested in to see who's single and to check if I still think they're gorgeous. I don't know if I just need to be loved by someone, or what, but usually when disappointed in relationships, I react with lots of searching to fill that hole.

This time, I'm trying to rebound. Last night I flirted as hard as I could with a few guys, but it was hard! I mean, these are perfectly lovely boys, but I am simply not interested in being interested in anyone new right now. The night before last, I was searching through Facebook for some of the old boys... and the most emotion I could drum up was "oh, he's a cute person... I hope he's dating someone great" -total waste of time. Then I got distracted Googling for a certain individual, and anything else I could find connected to him. That was probably not the most healthy decision. So, in summary, my rebound action plan is failing me for the first time in my life, and as badly as I want to be frustrated by this fact, I'm not.

Because, you see, I'm in love. And I'm not ready to fall out of love with this one yet. He's everything I've ever been looking for. He is smart, and hardworking, and fun, and easygoing. He has finally taught me what my mother meant when she would tell me not to fall in love unless I was with someone who absolutely adored me. And, possibly most important of all, he loves the Lord more than anything else. Including himself, and including me.

Fortunately, I know something wonderful. The Lord loves him, too. More than I do. And, the Lord loves me, more than anyone else does. I know that eventually, when the time is right, my Father in Heaven will put both of us into the path of someone who will love us forever. And then, finally, maybe I'll be able to get over this young man who I still think I might be able to love forever.