Confidence

Confidence is a dangerous thing. I'm not quite as sold on the whole idea today as I was just 24 hours ago. I used to have absolutely no confidence AT ALL, and that was miserable, but this summer I'm positively brimming with it, and it turns out that comes with its own new slew of problems. For example, I get overly confident about how I'm going to do at school, and then don't do as well as I should on tests and things. Or I totally botch up a cut at work because I'm pretty sure it'll be ok, and then it isn't and I've created a huge hole. Worst of all is the fact that I am overly confident with myself when it comes to people, and it's turning me into a ridiculous flirt. I am not trying to lead anyone on. That is so far from my intentions that I don't understand how it keeps happening. I am definitely not trying to fling myself at people. I just want to tell them all that I am in love with myself, not with them. But that's not exactly a kind statement. And then there's the issue called when I'm too confident I tend to fib to myself instead of admitting that there are flaws or dents or even little inconsistencies in my plan. I like having thoroughly defined plans. They make me feel so secure about things. Luckily or not, however, life does not like to follow my plans. And so I stubbornly hold to them, refusing to admit that maybe a different plan would be better, or at least possible, and then the inconsistencies build up until they finally come crashing through, and I have to finally admit to myself that I've been lying about things, and hiding from truth. And so we see that confidence isn't always entirely healthy for me. I need to reign myself in a little bit. Take some time to breathe. And think. And pray. And listen. I especially need to listen better.